Do you feel like your efforts are never good enough and that you’re living to earn an income? There’s never enough time for you to relax and have fun because you’re always working, personally and professionally.  

Or rather, do you feel unresourceful, a bit lazy, and overly reliant on others to provide for your financial needs?  Both of these extremes in outer activity reveal the same inner belief of not enough or scarcity thinking.

10 Tips for Prosperity Mindset

In this blog, I offer 10 tips to achieve a balanced, prosperity mindset.

This blog describes the second of nine attributes of a Loving Self-Advocate (LSA) on the physical realm. A LSA is a woman who is holistically balanced, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. She knows her worth and how to get her needs met in a healthy way. 

To read last week’s blog for a foundation, go here.  Learn how to move away from the extremes and move towards a holistic, balanced path.

Click here for more on the first attribute of a Loving Self-Advocate, Balanced Self-Discipline.

We are still looking at your need for Safety, the bottom of the pyramid in Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs.  You want to know where your money is coming from as money is a huge part of fulfilling your safety needs. Once your money needs are satisfied, it’s then possible to feel that you have enough TIME to live as you desire.

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Option 1) Scarcity Mindset and Workaholism

From the outside looking in, you have a lot of busyness. You are a very active person, doing a lot of tasks.  You may not have questioned why you have the need to stay so busy.

Verina’s Story Of Scarcity

To help demonstrate this one extreme, imagine the life of Verina.  Verina was born in the U.S.A. to two hard-working, Italian immigrants. They own a small Italian restaurant they named after her, their only child.

Their home is above the restaurant, and so Verina is constantly around the people, the smells, the food of the little eatery.  One of her earliest, happiest memories was of her mother baking her the most exquisite birthday cake for her 4th birthday. The masterpiece was a white cake filled with pockets of cherry filling, topped with beautiful, fluffy white, buttercream icing, real red cherries as borders along the top and bottom.

Her mother made a big to-do of the special occasion and invited all of the patrons to celebrate with Verina.  They gave away attendance prizes, cake, free soda and chips that day. She had over 200 people come to fawn over her. She felt super special and got all sorts of presents.

Verina’s Hard Work Ethic

Verina had countless, comforting memories of the restaurant. It meant so much to her. When she was 11 years old, she began waiting tables and getting paid REALLY well, with the tips. At 15, she met her first boyfriend, Paul, when he came to eat there with his parents.

Her parents worked around the clock, getting up at 4am to begin cooking and prepping for the day. By the time they closed up, cleaned up and ate their own dinner, it was 10pm and time for bed.  She came by her work ethic honestly.

Verina rarely sees her parents slow down to have any fun. They’ve never taken a vacation. The restaurant is their entire life, with the exception of her.  She loves her parents, but she has growing resentment.

Verina’s Resentment Grows 

 

When she wants to go out with Paul, or go to the prom, or do whatever teens do, they lay a guilt trip on her,, “Honey, we really need you to work. We can’t do any more than we do.  We’re getting older and don’t have the energy.”

Verina agrees that they shouldn’t have to do more, but that they should hire more help. In addition to her, they had 5 waiters, 2 cooks, and 2 bus boys who’d been with them from the beginning, 16 years. Their response is always, “We don’t trust anyone to not steal from us. We vowed never to hire any more help after the first theft.”

Right after they opened, they discovered this one guy had been stealing hundreds of dollars each week. It wasn’t logical to not hire more help, but they wouldn’t budge, and Verina didn’t know how to set boundaries with them.  So she kept giving in to their demands and getting more and more secretly angry.

Beliefs And Habits That Verina Formed As A Result Of Her Upbringing:

  • I’m a workaholic who believes that there isn’t enough time, money or love to go around.
  • Love is conditional based upon how much I do for my parents.
  • I am indebted to my parents and need to prove my love and loyalty to them. The harder I work to prove my worth, the more frustrated I become.  
  • I hold myself back from pursuing higher pursuits like college and/or finding another job because I know my parents couldn’t handle it.
  • I feel inadequate, insecure and not enough. 
  • I’m afraid of running out of money because of how my parents feel about money. It doesn’t matter that they have saved a huge nest egg over the last 16 years.
  • There is never enough time to relax and get everything done, and so I push myself harder to make things happen.
  • I lack confidence and have never asked them for a raise. I don’t want to hurt my parents’ feelings by getting another job or standing up for myself. 
  • I over-give and never feel like I can do enough for my parents, boyfriend, customers, friends, etc.

If Verina keeps heading in this direction, she will most likely blindside her parents by leaving the restaurant without warning. Now 18, she’s already having visions of being on her own. Though she feels she’s doing them a favor by sparing their feelings, in the long run, she will hurt them even worse. 

If Verina keeps heading in this direction, she will most likely blindside her parents by leaving the restaurant without warning. Now 18, she’s already having visions of being on her own. Though she feels she’s doing them a favor by sparing their feelings, in the long run, she will hurt them even worse. 

Can you relate to Verina?  She’s trapped and feels leveraged by her parents to live her own life.

Option 2) Scarcity Mindset and Reliance On Others

If you’re coming from this place of overly relying on others, your life will appear much different from Verina’s. If someone was observing your life, it may seem that you aren’t busy at all. Some (even you) might think you’re lazy. You don’t feel very motivated to pursue a purpose. You prefer to watch TV, play video games, and lounge around.

Tabby’s Story Of Over-Reliance

Here is the story of Tabby, now 17 years old. Tabby was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis (genetic, chronic disease that affects the lungs and digestion) when she was born. She grew up in a split family, her parents divorcing when she was two years old.  She has two half brothers on her dad’s side and a step sister from her mom remarrying. She spent half the time at each place.

Early on, Tabby could tell that her siblings were jealous of her because she got extra attention due to her illness. Her parents fought a lot, trying to get her to pick sides. She always felt in the middle and like it wasn’t safe to love her step parents because her mom or dad might get mad at her.

She Never Felt Like She Belonged

As a result, she never felt like she fit in at either household. Her dad shared two sons with his wife, and so Tabby felt like an outsider. At her mom’s home, her step sister, Olivia, lived there full time. She felt insecure because she wasn’t able to get in the rhythm of living in any one place.

Tabby also felt sorry for herself because she had to do daily treatments for the cystic fibrosis, take digestive enzymes with every meal, and take insulin shots due to CF-induced diabetes. Keeping her health at a bare minimum felt like a full-time job to her.

She’d always heard the average life expectancy of someone with CF was 39, but she saw a lot of kids die much younger than that.

Tabby Could’t Keep A Steady Job 

She got a part-time job at Subway, but after her third day working, she decided to quit. Tabby was sure that customers were paranoid that she was coughing on and contaminating their food (people with CF have a chronic cough, and usually it’s not contagious to others, but the general public doesn’t know that).

Tabby really enjoyed working hard, doing well in school, and helping her mom with chores, but sometimes she simply didn’t have the energy to contribute. Then she felt bad about herself.  She felt ashamed of having CF and guilty for being a burden on her family.

She Feared She’d Never Be Independent 

It was easier to rely on others to help her out.  She anticipated getting on disability one day, not because she wanted to, but because she saw no other choice. She also lacked hope that she’d ever be truly independent of her folks.  She hated being overly reliant on them, but that was her reality.

Can you relate to Tabby, or maybe you know someone like her? This is the opposite spectrum of feeling not enough. Tabby’s circumstances are drastically different from Verina’s, and yet both girls suffered with low self-esteem and self-worth.

Tabby Formed The Following Beliefs:

  • I’m not good enough or worthy of success. 
  • I am a rebel because I feel trapped in my life.
  • Structure and discipline are scary.
  • I’m overly reliant on others to provide my needs, which leaves me feeling inadequate and un-resourceful.
  • I don’t fit in or belong with either parent’s family.
  • Life isn’t fair, and I’m a victim to circumstances.
  • I don’t trust my ability to create income, and so I do very little and harshly judge myself.
  • I’m ashamed of my lack of drive, and I feel guilty for not contributing more.
  • Why bother? I can’t do it perfectly and I’ll fail anyway.

Option 3) Prosperity Mindset, The Loving Self Advocate Way

The Loving Self-Advocate feels like she is enough. She doesn’t overly rely on others for her success.  Yet she feels secure enough to seek help when needed.

10 Tips for Prosperity Mindset

Amy’s Prosperity Story

Our LSA, Amy, now 27 and a lawyer, grew up in a household in which she felt very secure. She knew her parents loved her and supported her, even if they didn’t agree with her stance on things at times.

Her parents listened to her and were genuinely interested in what she had to say. They cared about her feelings.  They also taught her how to breathe through difficult experiences, like the time her very first date stood her up. She was devastated as she’d spent hours on her hair and makeup. Her mom had bought her a silver, glitzy mini skirt and matching silk blouse.

Amy Was Taught To Breathe & Feel

She’ll always remember how gentle her mom was as she silently cried tears of rejection, “Honey, there will be times in life like this. We don’t control what other people do. But let me assure you. You can handle it. You are not a victim unless you allow yourself to be. I want you to breathe 10 deep breaths. Let’s do it together.”

She felt so much better after that, and she spent a nice evening playing Monopoly with her parents. She knew they loved her no matter how she did in school, but for who she is.

The Beliefs Amy Adopted 

 

  • I take responsibility for getting my needs met in a healthy way. This means asking for help when necessary. 
  • I charge well for my services and/or I ask for more money from my employer when called for, assuming that I’m giving true value and doing my best.
  • I give from a place of love, rather than fear, so I won’t get resentful..
  • I stick to boundaries/appointment times with my clients, so as not to over-give to them and expect their approval to feed my needs.
  • I examine my friendships. Are they satisfying and reciprocal, a true give and take? If not, I determine if I need to give more/take less or receive more/give less. 
  • I realize my source of income is from the Universe/God/ Source of All That Is, not from my job or clients.
  • I take responsibility for my finances and don’t expect anyone to pay my way.
  • I am lovable, capable and enough.  
  • There is always enough time to do what needs to get done.
10 Tips for Prosperity Mindset

Loving Self Advocate Suggestions:

1. Ask for what you need and want when it comes to money.

You deserve to value yourself and be well compensated. Money reflects how much you value yourself.  Money is not evil.  In fact, becoming financially sound is the first step to helping you gain time freedom.

2. Look at your limiting beliefs around money.

Question if they are really true.  Refer to this book called the One Minute Millionaire.  In it, they talk about becoming an Enlightened Millionaire. This is someone who truly wants to give back to society in some valuable way with their resources. They are good stewards of their money.

3. Set healthy boundaries around what you want and don’t want in your life.

It’s not “selfish” to have desires. Ironically, the more you satisfy your own needs and desires, the more energy you have to give back to others.

4. Establish a plan to invest 1-10% of your monthly income

and begin accumulating future retirement assets. It’s amazing what a $1/day can grow into after many years.  Find a financial consultant you like and trust to help you with this. Let me know if you need a referral.

5. Establish a Giving Bank Account 

and transfer 1-10% monthly. To develop a prosperous mindset, have faith that what you give out will come back to you many times over.

6. Create a monthly budget

and follow it to the best of your ability. People hate the word “budget,” but it’s not so scary, especially if you have a financial person helping you with it. Having a structure like this can be freeing.  

7. Transfer high interest credit cards

 to a lower rate loan if possible.

8. Review your expenses and reduce

 them where possible.

9. Get a part-time job

to bring in cash flow if need be. This can be temporary to help get you out of debt.

10. Look at your financial numbers.  

It’s so easy to be ashamed of your financial status, but try to not harshly judge yourself.  

Don’t buy into the EGO which will tell you these minor change are not enough. It’s just not true.

 

If you’d like support in becoming your own Loving Self Advocate and practicing taking responsibility in a healthy way, check out my upcoming free, masterclassCLICK HERE TO REGISTER
 
I’m here to support you like you’ve never been before. I mean that. I won’t judge your past.
Much Love,
Angie Monko,
Intuitive Life Coach for Women Leaders