Do you stress out about keeping your environment organized to the point you lose your peace if things don’t look a certain way?

Or, is your environment chaotic and disorganized where you can’t easily find anything? Both of these extremes in how you interact with your environment indicate a need to control outcomes coming from fear. 

In this blog, I offer 12 tips to achieve a balanced and organized mindset..

This blog describes the third of nine attributes of a Loving Self-Advocate (LSA) on the physical realm. A LSA is a woman who is holistically balanced, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. She knows her worth and how to get her needs met in a healthy way.

To read more about the other attributes, see below. Learn how to move away from the extremes and move towards a holistic, balanced path.

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How Did The Imbalance Begin?


We are still looking at your need for Safety, the bottom of the pyramid in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. To feel safe, your physical environment plays a big role.

Whether you have a strong need to create an environment that is very neat, tidy, and organized, or whether you are at the opposite extreme with lots of clutter and disorganization, both scenarios stem from fear and the need to control.

Both individuals most likely experienced some sort of event or series of events that left them feeling traumatized, fearful and powerless.

Option 1) Extremely Organized

If you fall into the first camp, extremely organized, where you need for things to be extremely organized (some might call rigid), then take a look at the checklist below.

12 Tips to Being Balanced and Organized

Checkmark the statements that resonate with you:

  • My physical environment (including things like my home, car, computer and phone) is extremely organized. 
  • It takes a lot of my energy and activity to maintain my environment because I have to enlist others to cooperate with me to maintain it.
  • My obsessive/compulsive need for cleanliness and organization is a distraction that becomes more important than getting more challenging, higher-priority things done first.
  • Keeping the house clean takes priority over spending quality time with my family. I work first, and then I can relax.
  • I feel compelled to keep my email inbox clean enough to see white space at the bottom. Otherwise, I feel somewhat anxious about so much to follow up on.
  • I feel uneasy if I have unchecked messages on Facebook, unopened texts, emails, or voicemails, etc.
  • I spend time on busy work that keeps my space orderly in order to calm my nervous system.  Then I have no energy left to do income-producing activities in my business, like make outreach calls, create videos, etc.

Is This Related to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?


Did you answer yes to any of the above? You might be thinking that some of this behavior resembles Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), a common, chronic, and long-lasting disorder in which a person has uncontrollable, reoccurring thoughts (“obsessions”) and/or behaviors (“compulsions”) that he or she feels the urge to repeat.

Specifically, it seems to most resemble the aspect of OCD related to the need for order and symmetry. And though this may be the case, I’m not trying to diagnose or be clinical here. These have been my personal experiences as well as those of clients.

Can you see how it would be very challenging to relax and be okay with the process of life, to feel safe and supported in the world, if you’re constantly needing to control your environment?



Because you have this clear plan in mind of how life should be, you bend over backwards to make sure your plans unfold.  The agenda, the ways things “should” be, creates tight muscles in your neck and shoulders, stomach, etc.

You know how people brace themselves right before they get into an accident? They “see” the accident about to occur, and so they tighten up.  Similarly, your body feels like it’s bracing for the “other shoe to drop.” On a deep level, you know you can’t control life, but that doesn’t stop you from trying to. Your tense muscles reflect this rigid need to control outcomes.

12 Tips to Being Balanced and Organized

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)

I think it would be very powerful to do Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) on the fear and need to control outcomes.  This is a simple but powerful technique (a/k/a tapping) to create new beliefs.

After watching the video to learn the mechanics of EFT, tap using the below setup statements. First determine how true the belief is on a scale of 0 to 10, 10 being the most true:


Setup Statements, tapping on the karate chop point:

  • Even though I have to keep my environment rigidly organized to feel safe, I accept my feelings (or you can say I love and accept myself, whatever feels comfortable to you).
  • Even though my environment needs to look a certain way for me to feel grounded and calm, I accept my feelings.
  • Even though it wears me out to control so much, I accept my feelings.

Tap Through The Points:


Then tap through the points as outlined in the video, stating a reminder phrase, such as the following (feel free to repeat the same phrases again and again):

  • “This need to control my environment”
  • “This need for things to look a certain way”
  • “I have to do these things to feel safe”
  • “I need to be in control to feel grounded and calm”
  • “It’s wearing me out”
  • “I don’t want to be like this”
  • “But I don’t know how to change”
  • “I acknowledge how I feel”
  • “I’m open to the possibility of changing this rigid need to control my environment”

Assess how you feel after you tap.  If needed, do another round, inserting words like, “Even though I still feel _____.” 

What you FEEL is more important than what you SAY.  In other words, don’t get hung up on the words.  Energy is intentional.

Option 2) Extremely Disorganized


If you fall into the second camp, extremely disorganized, you may be unwilling to let go of things as a way to feel in control of your life. Even though it appears to others that you are totally out-of-control, hanging onto “stuff” gives you a sense of being in control, because STUFF is something you can at least control. 

If you live in a lot of fear, such as the universal fears of loss, rejection, failure and losing control, you may hold onto clutter to give you a sense of commanding, or controlling at least a portion of your life.

If you can determine the event in which you started to feel a loss of power or control and neutralize it with EFT, you will make great progress in clearing the clutter in your outer world.

Checkmark the statements that resonate with you: 


  • My office, car and home are messy. I have stuff lying around on many surfaces.
  • I don’t care to put away my clothing or to clean up after myself or others.
  • I’m not willing to throw away outdated or useless things.
  • I have litter and disorganization everywhere.
  • My disorganized environment drains my energy, and I feel “paralyzed” by my inability to do anything about the situation.
  • I ignore my email inbox.
  • I avoid my responsibilities.
  • My business files are scattered and disorganized.
  • I have few systems in place for business follow-up or to manage my life in general.
  • My environment is cluttered and chaotic (i.e., laundry has piled up, dishes are in the sink, papers, magazines and mail are here and there).
  • I hoard things and have a difficult time throwing them away because I may need them someday.
  • There is animal excrement on the floor, filth everywhere, and I can hardly make my way into other rooms.

Can you relate to any of this? There are obviously many levels of clutter and disorganization.  If you or someone you know is living in squalor and filth, deeper support to heal trauma wounds is needed. Reach out to me.

How true are the statements below on a scale of 0 to 10, 10 being the most true?

Setup Statements, tapping on the karate chop point:


  • Even though I’m ashamed of my clutter and disorganization, I accept my feelings. 
  • Even though I feel I can’t do anything about it, and it will always be this way, I accept how I feel.
  • Even though I feel powerless and don’t like living this way, I accept my feelings.

Tap Through the Points:


  • “I’m ashamed of my clutter and disorganization.”
  • “I can’t do anything about it.”
  • “It will always be this way.”
  • “I feel powerless.”
  • “I don’t like living this way.”
  • “I’m ashamed of my chaos and clutter.”
  • “This is just how I am though.”
  • “This may be how I am now, but people DO change.”
  • “What if I could take one small next step? What if that were enough?”

Assess how you feel after you tap.  Do another round if necessary. Your goal is to get the belief down to a 2 or less of intensity.

Do You Recall an Event Where You Felt Powerless?

Next, do you recall an event where you began to feel powerless and a sense of loss of control? If so, tap on that.  Rate how powerless you feel on a scale of 0 to 10.

Setup Statements, tapping on the karate chop point:


  • Even though I felt powerless and out of control when (fill in the blank with the event) happened, I accept my feelings. 
  • Even though I feel the same way about my current clutter and disorganization as I did about that event, I accept my feelings. 
  • Even though I feel compelled to hold onto my stuff to stay safe and in control, I accept these feelings.

Tap Through the Points:


  • “I felt powerless and out of control when that event happened.”
  • “I feel the same way about my current clutter and disorganization as I did about that event.”
  • “Could it be that these feelings are related?”
  • “That my energy has been disrupted ever since the event?”
  • “It’s why I feel compelled to hold onto my stuff.”
    “It’s why I need my stuff to stay safe and in control.”
  • “Or do I?”
  • “What if I could let go of this past trauma and move forward?”
  • “What would it feel like to finally be free of this burden?”

Feel free to do another round of tapping if you need to, changing the setup statements to “Even though I’m STILL feeling powerless….” 


12 Steps For Being In Balance and Organized as a Loving Self Advocate


The Loving Self Advocate (LSA) gracefully maintains a well-organized environment without having to rigidly control it and exhaust herself. She’s not attached to how it looks and would be okay no matter what.

She prefers that her environment be neat and tidy because she is more efficient and able to find things easily.

If you’d like to adopt this way of thinking and new set of habits, the first step is to shift your energy so that you feel safe, secure and in control regardless of your outer environment. Your INNER environment of peace, faith and trust determines your outer success and appearance.

If you’ve been living with clutter for a while, it can be an isolated, lonely place because you’ve been embarrassed to have others over. By taking action, you create a tidy (not perfect) space where you and others feel safe to connect. If you’ve been rigidly controlling your environment, you may be hesitant to have others over because of loss of control.  As you relax, this will change, and you’ll enjoy others’ company.

12 Tips to Being Balanced and Organized

The test to see if you need to shift something is if you’re at peace. If so, carry on.   If you’re anxious it means something is out of alignment in your energy

1. Tap using the recommended phrases above to get started.

Tapping is a powerful tool to clear stuck, blocked energy. It also rewires your neural pathways to create a new belief and/or habit.  The actions below are going to be much easier to take when your belief is aligned with what you want, in this case, to get free of clutter and/or the need to be rigidly organized.

Rigid Organization:

2. Breathe.

If you feel uptight and can’t relax until everything is in its proper place, one of the best things to do is breathe. Find a breathing technique to release stress. One you might try is to place your palms together, breathe rapidly in and out for 10 seconds through your mouth, visualizing letting go of the stress.

3. Consciously intend to release your grip on control.

  1. When you feel yourself tightening up, redirect your attention to the present moment by focusing on a body sensation (focus on your seat, your feet or other body part, touch something, listen to something, look intently at something, breathe).

4. Proactively change something’s placement in your environment.

Rearrange some furniture. Move an item that normally has its designated “place.” When people come into your space, allow them to “freely move about the cabin.” In other words, if something gets misplaced, let it be out of order for an hour. If you still feel anxious after that time, put it back. Get used to playing around with the rigid need to control how things look. You’ll begin to notice that the more you do this, the safer you’ll feel.



5. Clean your office space.

Begin small. Remove obvious trash and laundry if it’s found its way into your office. Work on one stack at a time on your desk until the desk is clear of clutter. Create a manila folder for each category of information and file it. Stay on one thing even if it takes days, 5 minutes per day. Just get started. Then move to bookshelves, files, and other obvious clutter in the office.

6. Organize and clean your home. 

You can begin with one room, perhaps the easiest room, the one that feels the least overwhelming to you. Or you can start with the room that would feel the most satisfying to transform. Whatever room you begin with, do one tiny section at a time, like one drawer.  I realize this may feel daunting to you. You may consider hiring a professional organizer to hold your hand through it.

7. Catch up on all the laundry.

For some this can be a daunting task because you let it accumulate. Once caught up, do it weekly or even more often. If you have kids who are old enough, enlist their help to fold it and put it away.

8. Clean up your email inbox.

Unsubscribe to lists that you’re not really reading. We all have this strong FOMO (fear of missing out). We are addicted to information and the need to read everything that comes across our email inbox. But this isn’t true, is it?  You’ll be OK if you hit the “delete” key. You really will be. Move emails to an appropriate folder if you think you’ll need it later.  Take action on those emails that are quick turnarounds and then delete them ASAP. What remains are the emails that may take a bit longer for you to respond to or read. Maintain your cleaned out inbox by taking a few minutes daily to make decisions (1 or 2 times per day).

9. Clean out your vehicle.

Get rid of all the trash, paper items, soda cans, etc. Then do a quick vacuuming job. Get a wet cloth and dust off the dashboard and doors and door handles.  Clean the windows. Better yet, if you have the budget, take your car to one of those places that will detail it.

10. Throw away or donate items you don’t use and someone else could.

As you’re cleaning your home, designate boxes for donation, such as for Goodwill. This process may be difficult because of your attachment to certain items. I recall that it took me over a year before I was ready to clean out some of my late daughter, Maddie’s, closet and drawers.
I was able to give about 90% of her clothes to charities or had them made into precious quilts. Some clothes remain in her closet. And that’s OK. This is where hiring an organizer might really help you. They can make the process more gentle. They often know of this emotional attachment to things.

11. Clean your closets, one at a time.

Remember that the hardest part of any project is starting. And if you’ve done the tapping above and continue to use it as resistance arises, you’ll be fine. You can do this.  Put the time on your calendar and ask someone to hold you accountable. I’d love to coach you through this if you feel called to reach out to me.

12. Ask your kids/spouse/other family and friends to help.

Not all of the chores, cleaning and maintenance should fall on you. If you live with others, enlist their help.  Give yourself permission to no longer “go it alone.” Give up martyr thinking.  Ask a friend or close family member to help you.
If you’d like support in becoming your own Loving Self Advocate and practicing taking responsibility in a healthy way, check out my upcoming free, masterclassCLICK HERE TO REGISTER
I’m here to support you like you’ve never been before. I mean that. I won’t judge your past.
Much Love,
Angie Monko,
Life Coach for Intuitive Women Leaders