It can be especially difficult if you’re newly divorced, and
it’s the first time without your kids on Christmas or another
special holiday. You have all these traditions tied to this
familial time of year.
You may find yourself with all of this extra alone time. Your
ex is no longer there for you to bicker with. Your children are
with him/her. The quietness may really disturb you…at first.
As women, we are so used to focusing on everyone else’s
needs that we totally forget our own. We get caught up in
drama, distraction and chaos, and it begins to feel normal.
We become chameleons, whose identity shifts to meet the
needs of the person we’re with. “They don’t like my political
or religious view? No problem. I’ll ride the fence. Be silent. They
will have no idea who I really am, because even I don’t know
that. So it’s not like I’m being insincere,” we rationalize.
When we get divorced, it may feel foreign to us that we no longer
have the drama distraction. And once this dead space occurs,
and we have nothing to draw our attention, we may become antsy.
This is a ripe time for vulnerable feelings to arise, and our conscious
mind doesn’t want that. Feelings like loneliness, shame, guilt,
grief, sadness, fear…bubble up. What can you do about this?
Follow these 3 steps to get through divorce.
1) Acknowledge what you are feeling. “I’m sad because the
house is too quiet, and I miss my kids.” Don’t ignore your feelings
because they have a way of getting stronger. You can journal
if you like to express yourself through writing.
2) Let yourself fall apart. You don’t have to ”keep it altogether” for your
kids or anyone. You are human and you’re hurting. Remember to breathe
while you scream, bash some pillows, a punching bag.
There is no shame in admitting you feel terrible, sad, depressed, angry,
afraid. There is no such thing as perfection when it comes to the
human experience. We ALL hurt. No exceptions.
3) Do something to pamper yourself. Give yourself a reward for
feeling your feelings: a nice hot bubble bath, walk your dog, snuggle
with your cat or dog, have a meaningful conversation with a trusted
friend, a manicure/pedicure, massage, read a good book, watch a netflix
series you love and make a big healthy salad with all the fixin’s.
It’s important to become your own best friend. Having this type of
consciousness around divorce will see you through the sadness.
You truly aren’t alone anymore. Doors are open for the upcoming
Heal Your Heart Retreat Jan 15th, 2022. Register NOW.
Early bird pricing is $47 through January 7th. Then it’s $97.😘
Please help a girlfriend out (ME) and forward this email to a woman
who’s going through divorce, having marriage struggles, recently
divorced, or even divorced for some time but having challenges
with the ex or kids being in the middle.
Happy Almost New Year!
Much Love,
Angie Monko
angie@harmonyharbor.com
