What powerful combination to reclaim yourself am I referring to? Taking radical responsibility for yourself and your life results combined with radical acceptance of yourself is a very powerful combo indeed.
This blog offers you a means to reclaim yourself by giving you a hack for resiliency. My belief is that you are the one you’ve been waiting for. Nothing out there will be your answer.
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I’ve Been Fighting Life
I woke up this past Saturday morning with a revelation of sorts. I’ve been fighting reality lately, not liking how my business is going. It feels like I’ve been putting in a lot of effort which hasn’t produced the fruit I want.
In addition, my dad has been in the hospital after a major surgery. Wondering whether he’d survive triggered feelings of abandonment. After the surgery, now we are facilitating his recovery journey, which has required a lot of my attention.
As I’m lying there in bed, feeling sorry for myself, I did my usual healing code/trilogy on self rejection, which I’d been doing for nearly a month.
My response to life is typically 1 of 2 reactions:
1. Guilt/Shame. If I’m not taking responsibility for some aspect of my life, how I eat, run my business or relationships, etc., I feel guilty and ashamed because “I must be doing something wrong.”
2. Victim. When things don’t go my way, and I feel life is unfair, or that I’m being targeted or attacked, I feel like a victim, full of self-pity.
So I asked myself what would happen if I took 100% responsibility for my results exactly as they are. Answer: I’d no longer feel like a victim. I’d feel more empowered to find a solution. I am whole and capable, I remind myself
What if, while taking responsibility, I also radically accept myself? You see, when we desire to be response-able, it stirs up a lot of shame, “Oooooohhh..I caused that? ME?!” We go into denial because it’s hard to recognize our shadow side (and we all have one, my friend).
When I refrain from shame, and accept myself instead, I feel relief. I am meant to have obstacles in my path. These blocks, similar to unruly knots that drive me crazy, don’t mean I’m a bad person. They mean I’ve made mistakes. I’m human. I’m normal, and so are you.
Recipe for Resilience
What is so powerful about taking responsibility AND accepting yourself is that this is the recipe for resilience. This powerful combo will keep you searching for outcomes. You’ll stay curious rather than condemn yourself.
You won’t attach all of the negative stories about why you failed. If you detach the story from the emotion, things are no longer a big deal. You’re just a person doing the next right thing in the present moment.
What Happens After You Feel Victimized
At first, it’s natural to blame someone or something other than ourselves when things go awry. We don’t point the finger at ourselves.
But then….we wonder why this is happening to me?
Many people believe that the law of attraction is operating when your energy is “off” and attracts like energy, a/k/a “bad things,” to you. And, yes it’s true that energy attracts similar energy, but it’s not helpful if we weaponize this information against ourselves.
This energy phenomena sets up the shame cycle because you believe your negative energy is responsible for the results in your life, and you can’t seem to correct it through conscious effort.
Therefore, you turn on yourself AND beat yourself up for your “defective” energy which resides in your subconscious. This, in turn, creates frustration and a learned helplessness. It’s common to feel like you’ll never get out of this loop.
How can you escape this vicious cycle of helplessness?
You Are the Answer You’ve Been Looking For
You still deserve to take up space here. You still deserve to be loved and cherished. And you deserve to feel totally loving and accepting of yourself while you discover that you aren’t perfect. You are perfectly lovable in all of your imperfections.
For Today October 3 succinctly conveys my point:
“When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” Francois de La Rochefoucauld
“Surely something, someone can fix me. A little this, a little that, a new combination, a new person or place, a new goal. Can you fix me? The question, in a thousand different guises, is still asked.
The wise person answers,‘I would if I could, my friend, but–as it is for me–the problem is within.’ It is not the weather, the dog, the neighbors, my house, my spouse or lack of spouse, my job or lack of one; it is within me. Nothing on the outside changes that. When I am feeling bad about myself, I can put the blame on anything and everything. When I am feeling good about myself, I accept all things that make up my life on the outside.
For Today: I am completely honest in taking stock of myself so I can learn why I feel as I do about myself.”
Please listen to this song by Karen Drucker, “Here I Stand.” It beautifully conveys the emotion I want you to feel and viscerally “get” in your body. You are OK. All is well.
You are the answer you’ve been seeking. When you can get to the point where life can happen, and you know it’s happening FOR you, not against you, you are free. I’m not saying this is an easy practice. I’m not there yet. But, it’s my intention to truly fall back on my relationship to myself when things go sideways.
What am I believing that is causing me to be upset? How can I shift that and truly stay with myself no matter what anyone does or says or what life circumstances deal me?