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Characteristics Of A Controller
- Strong energy and need to control and take charge.
- Connect with others through competition, challenge, physicality, or conflict rather than softer emotions.
- Willful, confrontational, straight talker.
- Push people beyond comfort zone.
- Comes alive when doing the impossible and beating the odds.
- Stimulated by and connects through conflict.
- Surprised that others get hurt.
- Intimidate others.
- In-your-face communication interpreted by others as anger or criticism.
Angie’s Childhood Story: Connecting Though Conflict
Thoughts Of A Controller
- You are either in control or out of control.
- If I work hard enough I can and should control the situation so it goes my way.
- Others want and need me to take control.
- You are doing them a favor.
- No one tells me what to do.
Feelings Of A Controller
- High anxiety when things are not going my way.
- Angry and intimidating when others don’t follow.
- Impatient with other’s feelings and different styles
- Does feel hurt and rejected, although rarely admit to it.
Get Curious Instead Of Defensive
Justification Lies Of Controller
- Without the Controller, you can’t get much done.
- You need to push people.
- If I don’t control, I will be controlled, and I can’t live with that.
- I am trying to get the job done for all our sakes.
Controller’s Impact On Self And Others
- The Controller does get temporary results but at the cost of others feeling controlled and resentful and not able to tap into their own greater reserves.
- Controller also generates a great deal of anxiety as many things in work and life are ultimately not controllable.