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Characteristics Of The Pleaser
- Has a strong need to be liked by people and attempts to earn it by helping, pleasing, rescuing, or flattering them.
- Needs frequent reassurance by others about their acceptance and affection.
- Can’t express own needs openly and directly. Does so indirectly by having people feel obligated to reciprocate care.
Mary Learned To Be Silent
Thoughts Of The Pleaser
- To be a good person I should put the needs of others ahead of my own.
- It bothers me when people don’t notice or care about what I have done for them.
- They can be selfish and ungrateful.
- I give away too much and don’t think of myself enough.
- I can make anyone like me.
- If I don’t rescue people, who will?
The Shame Spotlight
Feelings Of The Pleaser
- Expressing own needs directly feels selfish.
- Worried that insisting on own needs may drive others away.
- Resentful for being taken for granted, but have difficulty expressing it.
Hiding Her Needs Makes Her Needy
Justification Lies Of The Pleaser
- I don’t do this for myself.
- I help others selflessly and don’t expect anything in return.
- The world would be a better place if everyone did the same.

Impact On Self Others Of The Pleaser
- Can jeopardize taking care of one’s own needs including emotionally, physically, or financially.
- Can lead to resentment and burnout.
- Others can develop dependence rather than learn to take care of themselves, and feel obligated, guilty, or manipulated.
Sammie’s Need To Be Needed Will Backfire
The Grand Canyon Gap
Original Survival Function Of The Pleaser
Sammie Learned To Not Have Needs
Unpacking The Pleaser

We Fear Telling Others The Truth
