Marie Antoinette (convicted of high treason and executed by guillotine–October 1793)
Are you a “too much” woman? I am. I’ve been called selfish, weird, woo-woo, too bold, arrogant, intimidating, threatening.
You see, I am a Highly Sensitive Woman, and I am different. I don’t think the way many in society thinks. Strong women are seen as threats. If we speak up, we are being too bold and bitchy. If we don’t speak up, we tend to feel like doormats.
A few years ago, I was on a retreat in Canada in which I was to learn how to have presence when speaking in public. I was up on stage, and I don’t recall the assignment, but I was demonstrating how I practice connecting to a Higher Power.
I stood in the power position (feet wide apart, arms open in an embrace to the Universe, head looking
toward heaven), and I began to recite, “I am the power and presence of God, creating everything I
experience, everything. There is no power out there, not in anyone or anything…” This was a Robert
Scheinfeld practice that I’d adopted to pray in this way daily.
They (the panel of judges) told me I was over-powering. And one woman proceeded to take personal cuts about the gray pantsuit I wore, how boring and unattractive it was. It really hurt me. I was blown away by this mean-spirited reaction to my vulnerability and standing in my power.
I think she realized this later because she came and apologized. The truth is that I was afraid of my own
power. Would people not like me if I came off too strong? This experience caused me to shrink back in fear, not wanting the lime light that begs criticism.
Lord knows, I got enough of that (criticism) as a child.
We all want to feel accepted as our true selves. All men and women want this. Yet, we are terrified to say what’s truly on our hearts and minds. Men need to be strong providers and wear tough exteriors of no emotion. Be the protectors.
Women need to nurture, cook, clean, be nice, demure, compliant, attractive. need to be alluring enough to attract a man who will protect and provide for us.
All these roles we must play. I’ve always wished to rebel against them. Thank God, things seem to be changing.
Ev’Yan Whitney, writer and sensualist, said this so beautifully that I feel a strong need to
quote her here:
“There she is…the “too much” woman. The one who loves too hard, feels too deeply, asks too often, desires too much.
There she is taking up too much space, with her laughter, her curves, her honesty, her sexuality. Her presence is as tall as a tree, as wide as a mountain. Her energy occupies every crevice of the room. Too much space she takes.
There she is causing a ruckus with her persistent wanting, too much wanting. She desires a lot, wants everything–too much happiness, too much alone time, too much pleasure. She’ll go through brimstone, murky river, and hellfire to get it. She’ll risk all to quell the longings of her heart and body. This make her dangerous.
She is dangerous.
And there she goes, that “too much” woman, making people think too much, feel too much, swoon too much. She with her authentic prose and a self-assuredness in the way she carries herself. She with her belly laughs and her insatiable appetite and her proneness to fiery passion. All eyes on her, thinking she’s hot shit.
Oh, that “too much” woman….too loud, too vibrant, too honest, too emotional, too smart, too intense, too pretty, too difficult, too sensitive, too wild, too intimidating, too successful, too fat, too strong, too political, too joyous, too needy–too much. She should simmer down a bit, be taken down a couple notches.
Someone should put her back in a more respectable place. Someone should tell her.
Here I am…the Too Much Woman, with my too-tender heart and my too-much emotions.
A hedonist, feminist, pleasure seeker, empath. I want a lot–justice, sincerity, spaciousness, ease, intimacy, actualization, respect, to be seen, to be understood, your undivided attention, and all of your promises to be kept.
I’ve been called high maintenance because I want what I want, and intimidating because of the space I occupy. I’ve been called selfish because I am self-loving. I’ve been called a witch because I know how to heal myself.
And still…I rise. Still, I want and feel and ask and risk and take up space. I must.
Us Too Much Women have been facing extermination for centuries–we are so afraid of her, terrified of her big presence, of the way she commands respect and wields the truth of her feelings. We’ve been trying too stifle the Too Much Woman for ions–in our sisters, in our wives, in our daughters. And even now, even today, we shame the Too Much Woman for her bigness, for her wanting, for her passionate nature.
And still..she thrives.
In my own world and before my very eyes, I am witnessing the reclamation and rising up of the Too Much Woman. That Too Much Woman is also known to some as Wild Woman or the Divine Feminine. In any case, she is me, she is you, and she is loving that she’s finally, finally getting some airtime.
If you’ve ever been called “too much,” or “overly emotional,” or “bitchy” or “stuck up,” you are likely a Too Much Woman. And if you are…I implore you to embrace all that you are–all of your depth, all of your vastness; to hold yourself in, and to never abandon yourself, your bigness, your radiance.
Forget everything you’ve heard–your too muchness is a gift; oh yes, one that can heal, incite, liberate, and cut straight to the heart of things.
Do not be afraid of this gift, and let no one shy you away from it. Your too muchness is magic, is medicine. It can change the world.
So please, Too Much Woman: Ask. Seek. Desire. Expand. Move. Feel. Be. Make your waves, fan your flames, give your chills.”
I’m entering a new era in my life. Maddie’s death has inspired me to be even more true to myself. I’ve spent a lifetime of taking over-responsibility for people’s feelings, and I’m ready for that to transform.
I simply choose not to control what others think of me. Do I still care what they think? YES! Because I want to have a positive impact, not alienate others with my anger or defensiveness.
Let’s learn to embrace our differences. We need to support one another as we get stronger, not tear each other down. Men and women alike have tried to cripple powerful women. Let’s stop that please. It helps no one.
Come out and join my community of highly sensitive men and women who are wanting
to make a difference in the world by turning their sensitivities into strengths.
Learn emotional freedom technique which can really help to calm our nervous system
and step into our best selves.
Courageously,
Angie Monko
