I know you’re busy. So many obligations and extra responsibilities during this time of year. If you’re like me, you probably question how much you get done at the end of the day and think it’s not enough.

Will you take a moment with me and slow…………………………… down, breathe?  Please read these words and allow them to absorb into your heart.

At some point in our lives, you and I decided it was no longer okay to explore, have adventures, look longingly in another’s eyes, slow down and really listen, to relish a delicious meal without checking the cell phone, and on and on.

What if I took away our computer or cell phone for the next week? How would we feel? Disconnected? Lost? Anxious?

Have you ever considered that our busy lifestyles of running here and there, staying almost constantly plugged into technology (some even sleep next to their phones), and feeling frantic and overwhelmed
is an addiction?

I’m a compulsive eater, living in recovery.  Compulsion feels like we have to have or do something right now.  Waiting doesn’t feel safe. We can’t relax and our mind won’t quiet until we have this “fix,” which
could be food, alcohol, sex, TV, technology, working, etc.

Compulsion convinces us that we CAN’T SLOW down.  Slowing down means we have to feel, and that doesn’t feel safe.  This compulsion says we can’t be present with another. When we are steeped in our own
fear and need to protect, it’s impossible to truly connect with ourselves or another human being.

Why is this? We learned that truly loving, being vulnerable with another, is not safe. They hurt us, they stomped on our heart, and we’ll be damned if we allow that again.  So to protect ourselves, we build invisible walls around our heart, cloaked in compulsion, the need to be right, to control everything to the best of our ability.

Perhaps the more cunning cover-up is to be nice, tell others what they want to hear, but secretly resent them for robbing our power. Over time this leads to resignation about life. Why bother?

Many people keep telling themselves the same very sad story over and over (like groundhog day), and the only reason they don’t change, step out and live, is because they’re protecting their heart.

Please know that I have done the same thing.  To stop protecting ourselves is so scary that it feels almost impossible.

But remember…we didn’t come into this life protected. We came into this experience as children with an open heart to live and love.

Living and Loving are synonymous.  When we do this, we get out of our fear and we really show up for others.

I love this quote by Wilfred Bion, “The purest form of listening is to listen without memory or desire.

This requires us to approach each person with amnesia of our history and perceived possible future with them. This is powerful and takes much intention!

It’s like each time we encounter a loved one, friend or even a stranger whom we have pre-conceived notions about and think we “know,” we are meeting them for the first time. In essence, we are forgiving them and giving them a second chance to come to us with a clean slate. What a gift!

Wouldn’t you love that if someone did that for you?  Forgot about all the mistakes you ever made and received you for who you could become, and not who you are right now.

If this sounds good to you, consider a workshop I have coming up on January 11th. 1/11 actually stands for transformation in numerology, which I didn’t actually plan on purpose.

It’s called Frontier to Your Freedom, in which we will use emotional freedom technique (EFT or tapping) to help you open your heart and truly begin to live again.

Register here for the 2nd Thursday of the month class (January 11th) from 6-8pm.


Angie Monko

P.S.: If you want to join others in a small group setting and make YOUR life work first by loving, accepting and forgiving yourself, come to our next Thursday night Frontier to Freedom class.