Are you missing some of those extra self care perks, like
massage, haircuts, chiropractor adjustments, hugs, connection?
You aren’t alone. As people-pleasers wanting to recover, you
may not have even given yourself the luxury of such things
before because you always put your own needs last.
Ask for Help
But perhaps now more than ever, we need to be mindful of
asking for what we need. And we need to be resourceful and
creative in getting those needs met. It probably means asking
for help, which was never our strong suit.
Yep, asking for help and getting your needs met are related.
And if you’re not doing one, you’re probably not doing the
Why don’t we ask? Because they can say no and leave us feeling
rejected. We might BOTHER or annoy someone.
Russian Nesting Dolls Metaphor
Have you ever seen those Russian nesting dolls, with a very tiny
doll in the center, and successively bigger dolls on each outer
layer? They provide a great metaphor for our beliefs.
The tiniest doll represents a common (often hidden) belief that
we aren’t worthy or deserving. The next larger doll may be the
belief “I better not ask for what I need because I’ll be disappointed.”
And still the larger doll (more common thought we’re aware of, and
how the hidden belief of I’m not enough shows up) may be “I don’t want
to inconvenience people.”
For example, have you ever been bumped into by someone, and
yet YOU apologized? I do this almost instinctively. I have found, upon
further inner exploration, it’s because I don’t want to take up too
much space and would rather be invisible on some days.
So we overly apologize for our very existence.
You DO deserve to ask for your needs to be met. It doesn’t
mean you will always will, but at least it’s worth the effort.
You DO deserve to be here because you are. When you begin
advocating for yourself, it doesn’t make you selfish. It makes
you human, and it benefits all concerned.
Get creative with your self care. Ask someone to massage
your shoulders, take a bubble bath, use a foam roller for your
back, drink hot chamomile tea, put together a puzzle, talk
to a trusted friend, rest in the hammock with a good book…
Save the date now for my and Morgan’s next masterclass,
”How to Ditch The Guilt and Create Closeness and Connection
With Your Partner” Thursday, June 25th, 4pm CT.
Angie & Morgan