People Pleasing is Driven Out of Discomfort with
What if you were really comfortable being you? What would
happen to your level of joy, peace and contentment?
We’ve been talking about the core principles of people pleasing
this month of January, why it’s a great New Year’s resolution,
what it is, what it’s costing you, and the ways it’s been paying
off for you to continue doing it.
Today I’d like to discuss how arresting this destructive pattern
can benefit you immensely. People pleasing is driven out of
DISCOMFORT with being ourselves.
We can’t often define who we really are and what we value,
much less be comfortable with this vague notion of US.
Much of life is lived on autopilot, not questioning our motives
or what we really want. We walk around with unquestioned beliefs
that cause us much pain and suffering.
You Will Never be More Lovable/Deserving Than Right Now
For example, we have the belief “I need to earn love and
acceptance.” Is that really true? What if the truth is that you
will never be more lovable or deserving than you are right
If that is a frightening proposition because you’re dismally
disappointed with yourself, rest assured that I’m not proposing
we don’t grow or change or try to improve. I’m all about that!
It’s just that acceptance of yourself right where you’re at is the
first step to change. And when you can accept ALL of you, it’s
easier to be comfortable with who you are.
And when you are okay with yourself, you won’t feel the need
to put on a false front of people pleasing. And when you can
show up without the mask, be more kindly direct with others
and stop trying to protect them from your truth (i.e., you don’t
want to do something they want you to do and you don’t want
to hurt their feelings), authentic relationships and connection
can begin to unfold.
What If You Forgave Your Past?
So how would this look? What if you gave yourself the benefit
of the doubt about your past choices? What if you forgave your
past…this is easier said than done. We tend to analyze ourselves
to death and instill guilt and shame upon us.
There’s nothing you can do in order to earn love because you
are already lovable. You don’t have to prove your worth or
accomplish anything else from this day forward. You are worthy
This is a tough practice that gets easier as you excavate
false beliefs about who you are. I’ll be the first to admit that
I still have guilty thoughts about how I should have handled
my daughter, Maddie’s, entire life, from giving custody of her
to her dad when she was very little to not staying at the
hospital long enough during her end of life when she needed
I had no idea she’d pass away in less than two weeks.
So yes, I have regrets. But what if things unfolded
exactly as they were supposed to? What if nobody is to
blame? What if we are all doing our best given our life
We’ll Act in Our Highest Good as Loving Self-Advocate
This way of thinking as a Loving Self-Advocate, someone
who believes they are worthy and deserving right now, and
gives themselves the benefit of the doubt, will tend to act
on things that are in their highest good.
They take care of themselves, for example, by eating nutritious
food, drinking healthy water, meditating, praying, etc. because
they aren’t weighed down by guilt and shame. They are
lifted up by life itself and gratitude for being here.
I’ll end with a quote by Brene Brown in her book, Daring Greatly,
“The only difference between those people who have love vs
who don’t is those who have it, feel worthy of it.”
Join The Shift Sacred Community
Morgan and I would love for you to be part of The Shift
community. We are interviewing potential clients right now
for this very select group of women who want to feel a
sense of belonging and connection in a safe, sacred
space of support. 5 slots are open right now.
Reply to this email to begin your journey.