Do you feel guilty for not doing enough for your kids?
Do you feel like you REALLY want to prioritize being a good
mom but that you often feel like you fall short?
Morgan inspired this blog, because she’s the mother of two year
old, Lucas. She puts a lot of pressure on herself to be a really good
mom, and it’s also very important that she build a successful business.
She loves filling both roles, but she gets tired.
Maybe you also feel stretched thin with all of your responsibilities,
the household chores, the career/business duties, and all the needs
and requests of your time from family members.
Time alone? What the heck is that?! It’s a foreign word, a guilty
pleasure that you dare not ask for. And if you have young children
at home like Morgan, you’re probably used to putting your wants,
needs and desires on hold, and when you don’t, you feel guilty.
Many would disagree that you “can have it all,” typically referring
to having a balanced, happy life between career and home. But
I think that’s a myth. I believe it IS possible to have a successful
business/career life AND have healthy relationships/happy home
life, where you don’t constantly feel guilty for not being a good
How is that? Because you get to define what a GOOD MOM is and
what balance is. It is very specific to YOU and no one else. Sally
may work 50 or more hours per week, often staying up late at
night to work on fulfilling projects. She gets up at 7am and
makes her 3 young kids an oatmeal breakfast and drops them
off at school. She doesn’t have a lot of extra time during the week,
but she fiercely guards her weekend time with her husband and
kids. She loves her life and feels good about herself.
Sally’s life might be a nightmare if you gave it to Jessica, who prefers
a much slower pace, where she spends about 15 hours weekly blogging
for a friend’s business. The rest of the time she works at her art, cooks
meals for she and her family, and loves being “domestic.”
What if being a good mom is really more of a matter of your own
expectations than any one strict standard?
We put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect moms and live
up to some unrealistic standard, that NO ONE is following.
Think about it. Does it really help our kids when we give them
everything they need on a silver platter? If they watch us put our
needs on the back burner, they may grow into adults who
do the same, or on the flip side, they may become entitled and
expect their spouse or others to do everything for them.
Kids develop resilience when they learn how to navigate life
without being over-dependent on mom, and when they are given
the chance to experience diversity and struggle. It’s also healthy
because they begin to see mom as a real person with real needs/wants,
and this fosters respect for mom.
When mom pursues her dreams and desires, and sets healthy
boundaries around her own self care, this gives our kids permission
to create the same.
Good Baseline to Follow
Here is another baseline you might follow. Do you love your kids?
You may not like them some days, and you lose your patience, but
do you love them? Are you doing the best you can by them? If so,
then give yourself a free pass. Lower your expectations of what you
think every other mom is doing, because they aren’t.
Only YOU know how to create harmony in your home because
it’s going to look different for everyone. If you yell at your kids,
don’t spend enough time with them, etc., forgive yourself, apologize if
need by, and move on from the guilt.
TIP: Give your kids the gift of BEING YOU. Criticizing ourselves (or
anyone) doesn’t inspire them or us to change. It usually has the
opposite effect and makes us that more obstinate.
Give yourself permission to relax if possible. Wishing you a
fabulous holiday weekend if you’re celebrating the 4th of July
in the United States.
We’d love for you to join our private FB group—The Shifters:
Women’s Holistic Empowerment to receive more tips like this.
Angie & Morgan