When growing up, I decided to be the peacemaker. Our household was volatile due, in part, to my dad’s
anger and my mom’s inability to handle it. So I tried to keep things together.
This led to picking boyfriends who weren’t the best for me because I had this need to rescue them
from their pain.
I picked friends who needed my help. This need to be there for others brought me to my current path of
being a coach. And that’s all fine and dandy unless I over-give and feel like a doormat.
(Watch Video Here)
Attribute # 4 of 9 of a Worthy Self-Advocate (someone who relates to herself and others with courage, authenticity and kindness and knows she’s enough) is to feel humble, not be a doormat.
One Extreme: I try to meet everyone else’s needs before my own because I’d be seen as selfish if I didn’t. From the outside, there is a lot of activity of bending over backwards for others who generally don’t appreciate my efforts. They think I’m really nice because I give a lot, but I resent them and feel like a doormat if they don’t reciprocate.
a. I people-please to the point of exhaustion and self-betray because I won’t slow down and take the time for self-care.
b. I have lopsided friendships and family relationships where I’m always the one giving, and they are always taking.
c. I over-give to clients and potential clients to win their love, affection and approval. When I don’t receive it, I feel resentful.
d. When I’m a doormat in my personal life, it drains my energy that I could use in my business and/or career to move forward and to spend quality time with those I love.
Other Extreme: I have long since given up trying to make others happy because it’s impossible. So I am very isolated, lonely and disconnected from the world. I am having few human interactions, but I have a lot of mind chatter and anger and resentment.
a. I disconnect from others because I’ll never be able to trust them or win their approval.
b. Because I feel jaded and resigned, I think mostly of myself and am insensitive to others’ needs.
c. I feel like a hapless victim to life’s cruelty, and my clients tend to mirror this mindset.
d. I can’t truly give of myself and serve as effectively because I’m full of anger.
a. I realize that others’ may have totally different views of life, and there is room enough in this world for both of us. I still love them even if they disagree with me.
b. I am resourceful about meeting my own needs in a healthy way. It’s okay if people tell me no.
c. I’m practicing giving and receiving, and so my relationships are more reciprocal, less lopsided.
d. I charge what I believe I’m worth in my business.
e. I ask my employer for a raise if I feel it’s warranted.
f. I am open and receptive to feedback. I seek to change myself first before expecting others to change to make me comfortable.
g. I make a point of staying on my side of the street and refraining from trying to orchestrate and/or
manipulate outcomes if it’s overpowering and disrespectful of others’ views.
h. When I feel rejected by friends, family or clients and/or potential clients, I don’t take it personally
and give them benefit of doubt (they’re busy and it slipped thru cracks).
i. When people don’t return my calls/emails/texts, I pretend that I’m always calling for first time (act
as if I’m loved and valuable no matter what).
j. I choose the thought that feels best for me. If a current thought causes me suffering, I question it
and consider changing that thought pattern to one that serves me (act as if).
k. I take time to relax if I feel tired or un-motivated to work (this is honoring myself, not procrastination,
if it doesn’t happen consistently).
Would you like to be a Worthy Self-Advocate? It will be necessary to both give AND receive, compliments,
love, money, time, etc.
I can help you with this.
Come to our July 12 Frontier to Freedom workshop.
We have a few seats left. I’d really like you to be there.
P.S.: Your Freedom begins when you rise up,
speak up, and show up for yourself! Is this your time?