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The latest study by the World Health Organization (WHO) reported that the 3 major stresses for people are obesity, mental illness and loneliness.
This makes a lot of sense. Since losing Maddie and leaving my weekly network group, I feel more isolated. I even feel alone in my home with Steve at times.
This isn’t his fault. I feel alone when I don’t feel like I can be myself fully.
We have to hold it all together myth
I met a friend for lunch the other day, and as I shared how I’ve been, she had tears in her eyes. I noticed I didn’t let m myself get too emotional, that I had my guard up. I even explained that I have to “hold it together”
or I’d be a puddle of tears all of the time.
But why do I hold back when I want to honestly express myself and all of the pain I feel? The story from my “Together Self” goes like this:
People don’t want to hear about my sadness and pain; that’s not attractive and will turn people off. Tears are weak. I’m being a cry baby and need to get over this loss and move on.
Can you relate? Why are we so inauthentic in how we communicate? Why did I need to “hide” my feelings from my friend?
So what if I cried in a public place?
Like George Eliot says, we are lonely because we don’t trust. We don’t trust because we are afraid others will hurt us. So we create a protective shell around ourselves.
If we only trust our dog…
We walk around with a cocoon around us and wonder why we are lonely. If our dog is the only thing we trust, perhaps we need to explore what’s really going on for us.
Sometimes life happens and we can feel more vulnerable than normal. Since Maddie passed, groups haven’t felt as safe for me. Maybe they never felt that safe.
It’s natural to want to fit in
This ties in with the whole people-pleasing business and wondering if everyone likes us. It’s a natural tendency as a human to want to fit in, belong and be accepted.
This topic is relevant because my mission is to help women who do too much to be themselves un-apologetically so they can really live.
Our trust will fluctuate in life as shit happens and that’s OK
I am aware that I’m self-protecting more than normal, and that’s OK. Maybe I’ve lost some trust in myself, the process of life and in people. BUT….it won’t last. This a cycle that will pass, like everything in life
Have you built a shell around you?
So what is your next step? Decide if what I’m saying makes sense to you. Have you built a shell around your heart? Are you looking for a place to land where you CAN BE YOURSELF without pretense?
I want to extend an invitation to meet me and talk. See if you fit into my community. It’s small right now but growing. Not sure if I’ll ever want the big crowds.
Even though I’m hurting, I’m an even better “kick ass” coach
I will be REAL with you. It feels vulnerable to lay it out there right now and tell you that I’m hurting. Am I still an excellent coach during this time in my life?
Yes, probably better than ever because my bullshit meter is more sensitive. My priorities are more important and aligned with how truly desire to design my life, which means I only want to work with people who
share a “low drama, take action, transform” mentality.
I’ll still be patient but not quite as much….Life is too short for excuses.
Your next step is to come this Thursday to my Frontier to Freedom community workshop.