Are you ready to forgive your ex (and it’s OK if you’re not)?
Rate the truth of the following statements on a scale of 0 to 10,10 being the highest.
Do you feel that your ex or soon-to-be-ex is mostly to blame for the divorce?
If you forgive them, do you fear you’re letting them off the hook and they need to pay for what they did?
Do you believe they need to suffer like you have?
If these answers feel very true, then perhaps you’re not ready to forgive them…yet.
No worries. You can come back to this exercise another time, or still do it, and
who knows…maybe something will shift inside of you and make you more ready.
When you believe you’re ready, let’s explore WHY you might want to forgive them.
Benefits of Forgiving Your Ex
Forgiving them is FOR YOU. It doesn’t mean that what they did is OK
or that their actions are now acceptable. Resentment is like drinking
poison and hoping the other person dies (quote acredited to Nelson
Forgiving them FREES up YOUR energy because anger/resentment
put towards hating another uses a lot of energy and leaves you feeling
even more out of control. The one who angers you controls you for
this reason. Take back your power.
Forgiving them allows you to focus on what you really want to
create with your life because you now have more energy (see #2)
and resources to be resilient and creative.
If it’s becoming evident that you want to forgive them, HOW can you do that?
What if the answer lies in Self-Love….
It’s February—the month of Love. Even though you may
outwardly think of this Valentine’s Day month as bestowing
your love upon others, it’s also an excellent time to pour
love onto yourself.
As women, we have been conditioned to “take the scraps”
of our energy after we’ve thought about everyone else, given
of our time, energy and effort to tend to their needs.
Giving and serving are wonderful endeavors that should be
fulfilled after we’ve filled our own cup. Some may say, “But,
I have to tend to my kids or aging parents, etc. I don’t have
a choice in that. If I don’t do it, no one will.”
And though this is true, you do have a choice when it comes
to self-care time and replenishing your own energy stores.
I believe everyone on the planet has 15 minutes a day to
devote to their inner life. And if they claim that they don’t,
then there is another problem of low self-worth and lack of
self-love and self-acceptance.
You deserve to love yourself and have your needs met. Remember
this. You are worth the effort and time it takes to make peace
with your inner being.
To help support you in this process of loving yourself more, it’s
necessary to remove obstacles, and one of those blocks is withholding
forgiveness of others, especially one who might trigger you as much
as your ex does.
I love to use my favorite technique, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)
or tapping to clear energy blockages and give you a new thought pattern.
Tapping to Help Forgive Your Ex (or anyone for that matter)
1) Assess the intensity of your anger on a scale of 0 to 10, 10 being the highest.
2) Do the Setup of EFT by tapping with your fingers on your karate chop point
(the fleshy side of the other hand’s palm) and repeat the below out loud:
Even though I won’t forgive them because they don’t deserve that, I love and accept myself.
Even though they deserve to suffer for the pain they inflicted on me, I acknowledge and accept my feelings.
Even though I’ll be letting them off the hook if I forgive them, and they shouldn’t be happy, I still love and accept myself.
3) Tap with your index finger and middle finger with moderate pressure
around the following points, stating a reminder phrase to keep you focused.
Tap on the left side of the body, right side, or both. It doesn’t matter.
Inside of Eyebrow: They don’t deserve my forgiveness.
Side of eye: They deserve to suffer like I have.
Under eye: I’d be letting them off the hook if I forgave them.
Under nose: They don’t deserve to be happy.
Chin: I want revenge. Forgiving them would make what they did OK!
Collarbone: I can’t believe they’ve done this to me!
Under arm: They are seflish, narcissistic, arrogant ____________.
Top of head: I will not forgive them.
Wrist: They don’t deserve my forgiveness.
4) Take a deep breath and assess how you feel after the first round of tapping.
See what comes up for you.
5) Keep tapping until your anger comes down to 5 or less and proceed with the second round.
Go back to the karate chop point and repeat:
Even though I’m still not going to forgive them, I love and accept myself.
Even though I’m still withholding my forgiveness for good reason, I acknowledge all of my feelings.
Even though I still don’t think they deserve my forgiveness, I deeply love and accept myself.
Eyebrow: I’m still not going to forgive them.
Side of eye: I’m still withholding my forgiveness for good reason.
Under eye: I can’t take a chance of being hurt like that again.
Under nose: I honor where I’m at–no judgment.
Chin: I guess I’m feeling a little better.
Collarbone: What if forgiveness is for ME, not them?
Under arm: What if it frees me up to have more energy?
Top of head: This extra energy allows me to focus on what I really want.
Wrist: I will stay open to forgiving them because it helps ME to be free.
At this point, you may still not feel forgiving of them, but at least
you’ve started the process of forgiveness. Keep tapping on the above
as often as you like and add your own words.
When the shift takes hold within you, you will be FREE of their grip on you.
And all of this begins with you being willing to love yourself. Forgiveness
is an act of self-love more than anything.
Schedule a free Confidently Navigate Divorce/Loss session
with me. Take back your power from the one who angers you.
You are 100% responsible and 100% deserving of love.
Coming Tuesday, 2/8/22, join me also for this free workshop,
”3 Secrets to Survive the Stress of Divorce: Helping Moms and
Their Kids Through It.”
To Your Transformation,