What makes us ready to talk? What makes us ready
Maybe a better way to state this is, “What makes us NOT
want to talk, to reach out and get support?”
For me, I look back at the times I could have really talked to
some I trust and receive emotional support. It was when I was
getting divorced back in 1998 and when I lost my daughter, Maddie,
in 2018 and my networking support group a few months after that.
When I was getting divorced, a part of me really wanted to
isolate. I wanted out of the marriage, and I didn’t want anyone
trying to convince me otherwise. So perhaps I avoided asking
for help because I didn’t want to be influenced.
At the core of my avoidance was mistrust. I didn’t trust
others enough to truly have my back or support what was
best for me. I didn’t want them to put “their” agenda on me.
When I lost Maddie, I was in a one year coaching program,
with a wonderful group of coaches who did support me. They
held a space of love and compassion for me, which I will
always fondly remember and appreciate. They even adopted a
baby elephant in my name.
I needed to talk right away when I lost my daughter. Even the
day that we took her off of life support on 10/26/18, I
recorded a Facebook live video of me saying goodbye to her.
Even though I’m not comfortable sharing the small matters of
my daily life, like what I ate or my vacation happenings, on FB or
other social media, I felt compelled to share this major life event
with you that day. I knew I needed to be held emotionally by as
many people as possible. I needed support.
But we are all different, and one person’s hell could be another’s
My husband, Steve, and I have been much more active reaching
out to our network to promote our business of helping women
going through difficult life transitions, such as divorce and loss.
And sometimes we don’t know what to say to really connect with
you when we reach out. We don’t know how to help you to
help us help these women. We simply know we must keep trying.
You see, people are suffering, really suffering right now. What I do
to help others is profound; they heal on a deep energetic level IF they
are ready. And yet, so many are not talking about what’s really up for
them. I believe many are “playing ostrich.”
We hide our heads in the sand, in the hopes that things will
get better; if we compartmentalize, we can numb our pain.
Consider Sara, the oldest of 5 kids. She’s had an extraordinary
amount of loss in her life, losing her grandparents, then two of her
sisters and her niece, all when she was quite young.
Yet being the oldest, she was taught to stoically hold all of her
emotions in check, to be strong, hold it altogether for everyone. When
her sisters died, they had the funeral as normal, and it was
acceptable to grieve for a day, but then it was “back to work.”
Although this may appear to be a stable and solid way to work
through grief, truth is we aren’t working through anything. If we
lost someone who meant something to us, we need to give ourselves
time to process grief, to feel our feelings.
For some, this may look like breaking down and falling apart,
really crying. For some, it may be journaling our feelings and
sharing with someone we trust. For some, it may be all of this.
What if you are “constipated emotionally?” This WILL cause
the physical reaction sooner or later or worse. It will create
dis-ease in the body because our emotions—energy in motion—
One way to help us get in touch with our feelings is to journal
and then tap on the endpoints of our meridians, to clear stale
energy, blocked emotion.
The Temporal Tap to the Rescue
If you don’t have time to do the full-blown tapping technique,
known as emotional freedom techniques, you could try an very
simple method called Temporal Tap.
We tap along a meridian called Triple Warmer, which controls
our flight, fight or freeze response. It impacts our immune system
and ability to manage stress, according to Donna Eden, author of
Energy Medicine and Energy Medicine for Women.
The beauty of tapping from the temples to behind the ear (see photo
below) while we state a truly-aligned-with-our-deep-desire-affirmation
is that it bypasses our conscious mind that will try to sabotage
our what we want because it prefers the status quo. With the Temporal
Tap, can “slip in” a new habit or thought.
How you word the statement is important. It should feel really right
and aligned with what you want, juicy. Make sure there are no “Yah, buts…”
behind the affirmation, a feeling that this goal doesn’t feel quite right,
because it could have the opposite effect of what you want.
If you want to start accessing your feelings and release them, to prevent
disease and promote overall wellness, get real with yourself, then you
might use the below statements, or something like them.
On the left temple, tap along from the temple to behind the ear, and
repeat, “I no longer have to push down my feelings to be in control.”
On the right temple, “It’s safe to feel my feelings and let go!”
In the class I hold at my home monthly, feeling our feelings, expressing
our true thoughts without shame, and then tapping together or doing
other energy medicine provides a safe space for women to heal from
the trauma of divorce, loss and other difficult life transitions.
You may be thinking, “I don’t know anyone going through a divorce or
loss,” and just stop thinking about it. But who in your life is struggling
with the world situation right now, grieving how things used to be?
Even though I believe what is happening right now is necessary
to up-level to a better quality of life, it’s painful. It’s one of those
”If you want to clean the house, you gotta see the dirt” situations.
And in order to see the dirt, whether it’s in our physical abode or
the mental/emotional “dirt” in our beliefs, thoughts, feelings and
behaviors, we have to do the inner work. We have to dig and get
our hands dirty, and this will hurt. AND we can handle it.
Pause for a moment. Slow down. Take a deep breath. Ask yourself:
”Do I need to feel my feelings? Am I ready to talk and get real with
myself and others? Am I ready for support? How am I seeing things
that is causing me to suffer?”
I am ready for you. People are suffering. I am in pain as I watch the
appearance of division and hatred, but I am not suffering. There is a
difference. Pain is inevitable with the human story; when we get a
broken arm or leg, when someone we love dies, when there’s a
pandemic, we feel pain in the form of sorrow, fear, anger, etc.
We suffer when we assign a meaning to our stories of pain, “I lost
________ and I will be alone and lonely for the rest of my life,” or
”I got injured and traumatized as a child as so I am different and
will never belong in this world.” Suffering is perception.
Do you see the difference? I invite you to my home on November
16th to begin your healing journey to wholeness.
Register here. Seats are limited.