Are you truly listening? To people with different
opinions, to your spouse, to your children, to your
parents, to your friends? To yourself…..?
I grew up and for whatever reason (perhaps to receive love
and approval from my dad), I developed a very masculine
way of coping with life. I became driven…to succeed, to
accomplish, to task.
Keeping my kitchen clean has been more important than
truly connecting with those I care about.
Yet I have always felt that family is the most important
thing…I just haven’t backed it up with my actions. I WANT
to feel that relationships are the most important thing, but
I am not there yet.
I was listening to a video with Alex Loyd, creator of The
Healing Codes and one of my mentors. He said the first
lesson he got in Psychology 101 was, “The problem is
never the problem.”
In other words, the problem we THINK we have is never
the true problem. He said the cause is always a relationship.
If we have anxiety, anger, jealousy, fear, etc. where does
that feeling show up in our relationships? We clear the feelings,
and our relationship troubles are resolved. And/or we fix our
relationship issues, and the feelings resolve. Doesn’t matter
in which order we approach this.
Got me to thinkin’ because I thought my relationships were in
good order, but are they really? This includes with people who
have passed and who I never see in daily life. The truth is, I can
do a much better job of listening to others AND myself.
To listen is a feminine trait, according to some. Listening is when
we are receptive to another’s truth, rather than wondering what
we are going to output next through our words.
I read a page of my late daughter Maddie’s journals each day. She
passed away 10/26/18 with cystic fibrosis. Reading her journals
helps me to feel close to her. Some days’ posts are harder to read,
such as the one she wrote on June 11, 2015:
“Lately I’ve been really angry at Mommy! I just feel like she doesn’t
care. Just like she has one goal in her head and no matter what,
nothing will get done until her one goal is completed. To me, it’s
like come on relax, things can wait. I don’t know. I guess I feel like
in the end family and love are the most important. I see where
she’s coming from, but it still hurts my heart! Anywho, I guess we shall
see what life brings! Anywho, signing off for now. Goodbye.”
Ouch. This journal made me very sad and filled me with regret
of the highest magnitude. Maddie had it RIGHT. She knew her
days were numbered on this Earth. She tried getting through to
me, but I was stubborn. I still am.
We are all doing the best we can; we do what we know. What I
learned was to keep outputting productivity and so that’s what I
did. And now I’m trying to un-learn this because we never know
how many more days we have with the beautiful people in our
I won’t get it right, and it will happen in Divine timing when I
start to deeply listen to those I love more consistently. I guess
what’s important, in this moment, is that I WANT to un-learn this
hurtful habit of being more interested in self-protection (via being
heard) than in connection (via listening).
When we talk, talk, talk, we prevent others from connecting to
our hearts. For today, I am open to listening to my family. I’ve
been good at this for my clients, but not always my family.
I really don’t like to advise you, because your best answers come
when you get still and really listen to yourself.
So try this. Get quiet. Sense your body. Ask yourself,
“How can I truly listen today to another and create
It’s scary to deeply listen to someone, let alone someone who
disagrees with you, but it’s necessary if our society is going to
move forward with love and not fear.
TIP: Don’t be afraid to listen to others. They have a reason that
they think the way that they do and they are not wrong. Neither
are you. There is space in this world for many opinions.
If you like what you hear me sharing, join our private FB group
The Shifters: Women’s Holistic Empowerment for more tips
on how to create healthy relationship connection.
Angie & Morgan