Spring is a time of rebirth, of renewal. I think of winter as a time to reflect and go within. Things can appear rather chaotic on the outside when we are processing so much on the inside.
Chaos would be things like divorce, family drama and bickering, the turbulent political and volatile economic climate, war in the Ukraine, anything outside of us that appears to be happening.
Divorce can be one of the most stressful times a person can go through. We can be left with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Stress has a definite impact on our physical health too, like it did for me. I had my annual OBGYN appointment a year after my divorce, and they detected abnormal cells that had to be removed.
While we are in the midst of a divorce which creates such a feeling of being out of control because so much is unknown, it can feel like a tornado. A tornado tends to leave destruction in its wake as does divorce. What do you do after you’ve been ravaged by a tornado?
You have to start picking up the pieces affected, one by one, in order to restore order to your life. You’ve been through a lot. Honor that. Be gentle on yourself and your kids, if you have them.
Here are 3 ways you can begin to restore order from the trauma of divorce:
1) Think of an activity that brings you a feeling of being grounded and secure. Here are some ways that I ground:
Being outside in nature with my bare feet on the ground as I’m doing as I write this
Petting my dog, Mars
Doing Donna Eden’s daily energy routine
Lying in my hammock
Pick ONE thing and set a date to implement it daily. It doesn’t have to take long, 10 minutes or less is fine.
Having a consistent, self-care ritual can make a world of difference in anchoring you to something stable. The only form of permanence is repetition as the saying goes.
2) Make sure to get plenty of rest at night (a luxurious nap on occasion is wonderful too). It isn’t always possible, but aim for it. Intend for it to happen.
If you believe you aren’t a “good sleeper,” get curious about why you decided that, and ask yourself, “How can I believe I’m a good sleeper?” Tap in the new suggestion.
Around 9pm, I call it serotonin time, I turn down the lights to prepare for sleep.
If get off of electronics a couple of hours before bedtime (I never sleep with my phone near me at night, and I even turn Wi-Fi off).
I watch something that won’t disturb my peace, like a comedy (I avoid the news).
I try to be done eating by 7pm—this one is a challenge for me as it’s usually 8:30pm before I finish dinner.
I go to sleep before midnight, around 10pm (I’ve heard every hour before midnight that you go to sleep is like double time quality wise).
3) Check in with yourself about your thinking. How we think affects our emotional state which has a way of flooding us with toxins. Emotions are energy in motion, and if we are overly focused on all that is going wrong, it will set us up for dis-ease in the body down the line.
One of the best ways to adjust our thinking is using Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) or tapping, which rewires our neural pathways and calms the nervous system. It stops the over-production of cortisol, the stress hormone.
You can use other methods to change how you think and feel:
Slow deep breathing.
Self-hypnosis or hypnosis by a trained and trusted practitioner (like me)
The healing codes (see Alex Loyd’s book, The Healing Codes). I’m a certified healing code practitioner, and this technique serves to heal cellular memory.
The WAY we view the world has such a huge impact on our quality of life and whether we feel grounded and safe. After a divorce, it’s very easy to feel like love isn’t feasible for us, or that somehow we’ve failed at love.
Whether we’ve been divorced once or 5 times, this indicates there is a pattern that needs to be looked at within us so we can avoid getting into the same relationship habits going forward. None of is perfect.
Having said that, please don’t give up on love. You ARE lovable and deserve to experience self-love, even if its years before you embark in another romantic relationship.
Lastly, what about keeping a gratitude journal of 5 things you’re grateful for everyday, to shift your focus? The more you practice gratitude, the easier it is to spot all the things that are going right.
To recap how to restore a semblance of balance and order to your life, here are the 3 single activities:
1) Pick ONE thing you’ll do daily that feels nurturing, grounding and good to you (10 minutes or less).
2) Get adequate rest and maybe a 10-15 minute nap on occasion.
3) Decide to change how you view your divorce situation. What if it’s a blessing in disguise?
If you want more support, register now for the upcoming, free, in-person gathering at my home, Empowering Women Through Divorce: Reclaiming Your Whole Self, on Tuesday, April 19th at 5pm CT.
Creating a Brighter Future After Divorce