Divorce is one of the most stressful things you can
go through, and so if you’re in the midst of it, go easy
on yourself. Prioritize self care.
If you are married and want to avoid divorce, or if
you want to bust a harmful relationship pattern NOW
before getting into your next relationship, keep reading.
There are certain red flags that your relationship is in
trouble, aside from the more obvious signs like bickering
all of the time, feeling resentful, and looking for all the
ways your partner is messing up.
Here are the top 3 signs that come to mind:
1) Lots of silent and unspoken words. Apathy (lack of interest,
enthusiasm or concern).
2) Lack of physical distance between the two of you—spending
less and less time together.
3) The roving eye—grass is greener on the other side.
Silence
When you and you partner get to the point where there is little
or no communication, look out. This may indicate that you’ve
become apathetic and don’t care anymore about the relationship.
Perhaps you feel bored with them. And/or over time, you’ve lost
respect for them based on poor choices they’ve made. You no
longer trust them to keep their word to you. You’ve fallen out of
love with the current person, and you no longer recognize the
one you originally fell for.
Because you feel frustrated and don’t know what to do, you
retreat inside of yourself and tell yourself all manner of stories
about who this person is. This is a very lonely place indeed.
Physical Distance
Are you finding ways to do anything but hang out with them?
You are so busy working or hanging out with your friends or
cleaning the house, and on and on that time alone with your
partner is dwindling more and more.
Whereas once you used to sit next to each other on the couch
and rub each other’s backs, now you find yourself in your favorite
recliner, and they in theirs.
You rarely even look in each other’s eyes…trust has been lost.
And your love life…? Emotional intimacy, let alone sexual intimacy,
has been missing since you can remember.
The Roving Eye (or Heart)
If you’ve been feeling alone and silent in your own little inner
world, and you haven’t been spending much time in close proximity
with your partner, you may begin to feel that “itch” to go elsewhere
to get your love and emotional security needs met.
This makes sense doesn’t it? When the pain inside begins to over-
take you, it’s human nature to want to get relief from the feelings of
loneliness, disconnection, sadness, and frustration.
You believe that these feelings are being caused by something
outside of you, namely your partner, and so naturally it makes
sense that the solution lies “out there” in another person who can
make you feel loved.
The really good news is that none of your feelings are coming
from or because of your partner. Therefore, you can change how
you are perceiving this situation. Your attitude and perception are
the biggest determiners of your happiness, not what’s happening
to you.
The not-so-good news is that it is going to take commitment and
dedication to changing you. And most people won’t decide to
change until the change brings relief. The change must bring more
relief than more pain or you won’t stay the course until the new
habit of thought is permanent.
Here are some journaling prompts if you feel ready to look
at this:
What do these feelings of frustration, sadness, and loneliness remind
me of from my past? (note trauma is hidden here and can be healed)Why am I disconnecting from and avoiding intimacy with my partner?
How did I lose trust with myself?
When did I learn that life isn’t safe and I can’t trust others?
Even though it may feel painful to explore these matters now, it will
be more painful in the long run if you don’t.
Yes, you can get a divorce (and maybe that IS the way to go), but be
sure to do the inner work so that you invite a healthier next relationship.
Otherwise, you may find another person who seems, at first, to be
better suited to you, but then over time as you get to really know
each other, the same old patterns begin to repeat.
This is because the original trauma within you that distorts how
you view the world (and has your person picker broken) hasn’t been
healed.
I invite you to come to my home Tuesday, 11/16/21 to explore this
conversation, get the needed healing to help you respond to life and
your partner in a way that brings you joy, peace and fulfillment.
You’ve not done anything wrong here. You are human, and it’s
totally OK to be where you are. We all experience trauma and loss
even when we don’t know it.
We know we have trauma when we resist taking action on things
we want to do but have felt stuck. This monthly in-person gathering”
is entitled “Women’s Empowerment Through Loss,” and loss is defined
as losing someone through divorce, separation or death.
So we will focus on healing past traumas in your life that may
have left you with some of the following residual effects. See if
you can relate to any of them. If so, this class will help.
I felt abandoned when someone close to me died.
I find it hard to let others get close to me because of fear
they will abandon me too. So I “reject” them first and avoidintimate connection.
I feel easily hurt and rejected when someone doesn’t return
my call, email, text, and/or message. Something must be wrongwith me (I’m not that lovable).
After my loss, I’ve found it hard to re-engage with life.
I just can’t seem to feel motivated to work on my business
and do what I know needs to be done to make it thrive.
Life doesn’t feel safe or nurturing; I’d rather stay home and isolate.
Register NOW. I look forward to seeing you. I’ve room for 10 women,
and plus I want to keep it intimate.
To Your Transformation,
Angie Monko
(314) 422-6520
