Does it feel like the slightest provocation can get your
inner brat ignited…especially by your romantic partner?
I really love my husband, Steve, and for the most part,
we get along great. But if you add stress (that we perceive
we can’t handle) to the mix, we naturally revert to being
a little bratty kid.
This is quite normal. We can feel easily attacked, criticized,
judged, mistreated, and our knee jerk reaction is to defend,
yell back, our claws come out like an angry cat abruptly
wakened from a deep slumber in the sun.
My experience has been especially evident with Steve.
How about you? Who triggers you the most? I think it’s
usually someone we may take for granted, because we think
they’ll always love us.
Maybe that’s your parent, sibling, grandparent, child, etc.
Eckhart Tolle talks about how our pain body bumps against
another’s pain body, and it can feel like an out-of-control
A pain body is all the old emotional pain and anger that we
carry around that can control our thinking and dampen
our experience of life.
And you know it’s happening when your anger and fear take
over. Your worry sweeps you into a imagined future of more
pain, misery, loneliness, desperation, suffering.
You know what I mean, right? Most of us don’t want to admit
to this immature bantering or even inner thinking (if we don’t
verbalize our thoughts), but yet here we are.
Let’s be real. It’s part of the human experience. And part
of that involves mental illness, distorted thinking, cognitive
So it helps to shine some light on this and begin to dispel any
shame we might have around our secret thoughts or outward
actions that hurt others.
It’s a normal part of being human to hurt ourselves and others.
And it’s not something we want to perpetuate if we can help it.
We first have to recognize that our perception or story that
we create in our minds about what has happened needs to
WE need to heal. WE have distorted beliefs, when we think the
world is out to get us. I’m not saying the world isn’t messed up
or in need of change, because it is, but our experience is largely
dictated by OUR lens.
So after we accept this, then what? How do we heal? I had to
do a calibration on myself, which means I had to shift how I’m
viewing Steve and reality from a child’s viewpoint “He’s a jerk and
this isn’t fair,” to “How can I be kind to myself even when I feel I’m
being mistreated and not take things personally?”
Why do we get so defensive when someone “criticizes” us?
We go into self-protection, sure, and we also feel shame that
somehow we did something wrong, that we aren’t lovable
Think of a time when you got into a fight with someone. What
caused it? Are you willing to take responsibility, that your insecurity
played a big part in it, regardless of details or who’s right?
How can you love yourself through it? Love that inner child, give
her attention, compassion, understanding.
In the heat of feeling shame or guilt, remind yourself, “I am still
lovable and good enough even if they are mad at me. What if
this has nothing to do with me?”
In order for our inner child not to take over our life, and have her
be triggered so often, we need to love her more. Period. Full stop.
She may act like a brat, but she’s really a part of us that needs
love, that she never got while growing up, or at least never
received for whatever reason.
Please share a story of how your “inner brat” comes out. This
may be scary but you’re safe here. Yes, even this part of you is
lovable. She just needs attention from YOU.
We must begin to let go of what others say about us or do to us.
The answers to our pain lie within us. Just as THEY aren’t really causing
us pain, the good news is that THEY aren’t causing us to feel good
either. Only we can do that for ourselves, through mental calibrations,
feeling our feelings, and waking up to self-love.
Morgan and I can help you love you more. Join us for our 2 day,
free women’s retreat June 26 and 27 (Let Go Of What They Think).
Even if you’ve attended the last one, this retreat will provide
new insights and experiences as participants are different, we are
different, and YOU are too.