This month Morgan and I are introducing the theme of
people pleasing your Family and Friends (F&F), where you don’t
feel safe to be yourself.
Why should you care about this? Because it’s painful when
we can’t be ourselves, and it takes a lot of energy to wear
What if Friends & Family Aren’t a Source of Comfort
Our Friends and Family ideally would be a significant source
of comfort and support for us, but sometimes that’s not
the case for various reasons.
Maybe we don’t feel like we fit in because we look different or
have different values, beliefs and feelings about life.
Maybe our friends and family have hurt us, and we are
protecting ourselves from being hurt and disappointed again.
Whatever reason causes us to put on a mask and not reveal
our true thoughts and feelings with our F&F, the common
outcome is that we feel disconnected and lonely, even in a
Wearing a Mask = Suppression
Another way to describe this situation is to feel suppressed.
We may not want to identify with this label at first glance,
because it sounds very restrictive and victim-y. But hey, let’s face
it, we all have a part within that feels like a victim.
Can you imagine what it would feel like, if you had a wonderful
family unit (or network of friends, etc.) where you felt loved and
supported one day, and the next day due to circumstances
beyond your control, the foundation was ripped away, leaving
you feeling ostracized and abandoned?
What if Your Social Foundation Was Ripped Away?
The world would feel so unsafe, unpredictable and terrorizing.
You’d hold yourself back, keeping yourself small and minimized.
You wouldn’t want to put yourself out there anymore. You could
literally feel yourself shriveling in your shell as a human being.
After a while, when we’ve felt suppressed by the very people
we believe should be our biggest support, we develop a deep
resentment, probably unconscious, “If my own F&F don’t love me,
then I must not be lovable or good enough.”
Shame ensues…stuck-ness becomes the norm. The quicksand
starts to feel comfortable around our skin.
The good news is that we don’t have to stay in this painful place
when we find within our being the smallest sliver of deserving happiness,
beyond our circumstances and past the illusion of unworthiness.
We will continue to peal the layer of the onion on this social
acceptance and the need to people please your F&F. For now,
we leave you with this.
TIP of the Week:
Think of one opinion or belief that you’re afraid to share with
your family and friends. Get in tune with the energy it takes to keep
the mask on. Just honor how exhausting that is. And honor why
you do it, to protect yourself from being rejected, criticized.
Want a New Family to Reignite Your Trust?
If our message resonates with you, and you’d like to see if The
Loving Self-Advocate Women’s Empowerment Club
is a good match, go here to schedule a Loving Self-Advocate
Empowerment Session with Angie.