I see her hair thinning, her face, hands and feet swollen….
her body wasting away…I want to run and hide. It shouldn’t be this way.
As I walked into the hospital yesterday to see my daughter, Maddie, my stomach knotted up. Apparently, she’d started to have swelling on Sunday. I know how much she hates to feel bloated, especially in her face.
But she didn’t even seem to care about that. Right now, she is only focused on breathing and taking one moment at a time.
Maddie (22) has cystic fibrosis. And she is going through the worst exacerbation she’s ever had. And we are feeling it with her.
As a highly sensitive person (HSP), I can see how situations like this have made me want to avoid life. Her pain reflects back to me my own pain, and how little I want to deal with it.
In addition, being highly intuitive and empathic as most HSP’s are, I FEEL all of her pain. The natural inclination is to avoid it.
Do you ever notice how we avoid people who reflect back a lot of pain and negative emotion? Could it be that we aren’t comfortable with OUR OWN pain?
When I hear Maddie cry or whine, it triggers me back to a time when my own mom helplessly cried. It makes me feel powerless to do anything to change the situation.
As an HSP, I want to protect my heart from further pain and uncomfortable feelings like sadness and disappointment.
What can we do about this? We can first be aware of what WE are feeling. Breathe into that. Reassure ourselves we are safe.
Second, we can tap on the feelings if we so desire (tapping is an energy clearing technique I love to use to help calm me).
This allows us to be present with the moment and really WITH someone. That’s exactly what I did last night before entering Maddie’s room.
It allowed me to be with her, kind, loving and not in my own head about how things should somehow be different. IS that true?
The truth is things should actually be as they are right now.
This situation is causing me to re-evaluate my life priorities and what is truly important. It’s helping me to stop being as selfish.
As an HSP, the tendency is to over-protect so much that we blow things up in our mind and tell ourselves we will be over- stimulated by future events and can’t handle things.
When I learn to be in the present moment, this isn’t a problem.
For today, I have the courage to hope that things are improving with Maddie despite appearances. It’s okay to desire.
AND I also have the peace of knowing that all is well despite appearances.
Courageously,
Angie Monkp
PS: We still have spots open for the transformation game this
Friday if you want to register ASAP.
