Do I like to be called out? Of course not! That’s a stupid question.
Most of us don’t like to be called out. It can feel embarrassing,
even shameful.
But yet I sort of do like it, because for someone to notice a
blind spot in me tells me they care enough to see it and bring
it to my attention. That takes energy and courage.
Plus, I DO want to be better as a human being in this world,
and so I appreciate someone giving me this service (unless
it’s my husband and we’re in a heated debate). LOL.
How we call someone out makes all the difference in the world.
If we are kind and truly want to better the relationship or help the
person be more aware, we will be gentle.
Sometimes as a coach, I will wonder if I should call someone
out on something. What if they aren’t ready to hear it? What if
their inner rebel feels hurt and criticized? What if they withdraw,
and I alienate that person.
How do you react when someone says something to you
that you’d never thought of before, and it’s not praise. It’s
highlighting some flaw in your thinking or being.
If you know this person isn’t intending to hurt you, what if
you just mulled over what they’re saying? What if you looked
for the hint of truth in their assessment? Sometimes the
more we resist their insight, the more we really need to
examine it. It could be a blind spot.
This openness to understanding our inner world is very
helpful when it comes to making profound changes in our life.
After coaching for 13 years, I’ve come to conclude none of us
really wants to change (including myself). Changing is hard work.
We’d much prefer that the other person do the adjusting. Why
should we, after all, have to do all the heavy lifting in our relationships?
That last bit of inquiry (asking why it’s always ME who has to change)
is what tends to get us in the most trouble in our relationships. It may
allow us to prove that we have been right about “so and so” all this time.
But who really cares if we’re right if we are also unhappy? Both
parties lose with this dynamic.
Wouldn’t it be nice if you had a space where you could show up,
and someone lovingly and firmly could see your unhealthy
patterns and coping mechanisms, draw them to your attention,
and then provide a means for you to heal the root cause?
We can continue to chop all sorts of weeds down (a/k/a symptoms, like
blaming, feeling guilty, angry, alone, caring way too much what others
think), but at the end of the day those weeds will keep cropping up,
until we cut out the root (the painful, limiting beliefs that keep us stuck
in lack of forgiveness, acceptance and love of ourselves).
Morgan Higdon and I are going to be teaching a free, interactive
women’s retreat later this month, Let Go of What They Think, in which
we will help you get to the root of WHY you care so much what others think.
We’ll provide you with practical language on what to say to
stand up for yourself, and more importantly, we will do healing
work around the trauma that keeps you stuck in these unhealthy
people pleasing patterns.
Register now. The response has been wonderful. We look forward
to helping you reclaim your power and your dreams.
Love,
Angie & Morgan
PS: Become a Loving Self-Advocate who gives herself the benefit
of the doubt, sees her worth, AND still courageously keeps her heart
open to love.
