Do you find yourself regularly resenting someone?
They say something to trigger you, and maybe you go off on them verbally or in your own mind. I’ve done this, and a lot of women I work with report the same.
This is an indicator that we want to look at our boundary setting skills. Boundaries–ugh!
If you’re like me, you really enjoy helping others and the term boundary may bring up visions of self-centered, cold, ruthless women or men.
Boundaries may conjure up memories of someone mis- treating us, in the name of setting boundaries. For example, let’s say we have a grown child who is very harsh with us at times.
They have no problem telling us NO when we ask for something, but there is definitely a double standard when WE try to say NO. When we say no, we’re accused of being selfish. Most likely this child was spoiled as they grew up, and they see mom as a giver, not as a human with needs.
The truth is, though, boundaries set in an appropriate way will bless both parties. So why is that and how do we do it?
Let’s use a metaphor of internal controls that companies create. Companies create policy & procedures for employees to follow to protect company assets, and they also do this to prevent employees from being tempted to steal. Good internal controls protect BOTH parties.
Boundaries are the same. In the example of a child that has been coddled, if we begin to think of our needs as real and necessary, when this adult child asks us to do something we don’t really want to, we can say NO without guilt.
This blesses us because we won’t begin to resent the child, AND it blesses them because they can begin to draw upon their own strengths to get their needs met, which sets them up for success in life.
Please don’t blame yourself if boundary-setting isn’t your strong suit. We just aren’t taught this in schools or growing up. We are taught the opposite, to be nice and compliant no matter what, even if it makes us angry.
But the problem is that being angry and resentful is like “drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” It doesn’t work.
Want to release the resentment and begin to set boundaries that bless you?
Call me and explore if a class in which we will practice emotional freedom technique is a good fit for you, or reply to this email.
Supporting you all the way,