Have you tried your beliefs on for size lately?
Do they still fit you well, or have you been feeling a bit antsy, like you need to get some new “belief
attire?”
Are you aware of any anger because you haven’t felt safe to speak up?
As women, we are taught “othering,” putting other’s needs before our own. This sounds noble and like something to attain, right?
Yes, but there’s a vital pre-requisite belief that we must have before we give to others freely–I’ll get to
that in a minute.
Women are entranced in these cultural beliefs:
1) We shouldn’t put ourselves first.
2) We must avoid being labeled selfish at all costs.
3) We shouldn’t be angry, but always polite and nice.
Stack on top of this, the very REAL need to belong and connect in community.
We just got done celebrating Mother’s Day in the U.S. This topic is appropriate. As a woman, you so want
your family to be healthy and happy, don’t you?
Many men feel the same way, but let’s face it, the female roles are much slanted toward taking care of
our family’s emotional health, being the nurturer.
But WHAT IF we never learned to nurture ourselves first (the pre-requisite to self-less giving)?
Can you relate?
It’s Friday, the day before vacation. You’re exhausted after tying up loose ends at work. Now you’re heading home in rush hour.
You get home, guiltily prepare fish sticks and mac/cheese for the kids. You ask everyone if they’re packed and go down the lengthy checklist.
The resort in Wisconsin has a full kitchen, and because your family of 5 (with 3 teens) is on a budget, you’ll be bringing a lot of food.
After paying some last minute bills, packing for yourself, and doing a last minute load of laundry because Annie needs her favorite red T-shirt, you drop into bed at midnight.
The next morning, tempers are flaring as you fill coolers, make PNB sandwiches, and try to stuff every crevice of the SUV with “necessities.”
After exchanging cross words with the hubbie, you scream inside your head, “Is vacation even worth it?!”
This is a typical scenario for most women. We have been duped into believing that it’s unsafe to get our needs met FIRST. We’ve been convinced that we are responsible for everything and everyone’s well-being.
And in fact we do have a large impact.
But it would PAY us and our families huge dividends if we paid attention to our beliefs and were willing to adjust them as well as notice our feelings.
If you’ve been “othering” and putting your needs last, numbing out with food, alcohol, and excess TV, and if you’re being honest with yourself, there is anger, sadness, loneliness.
These emotions are telling you that you have an unmet need, that an innocent person or part of you is being threatened.
Our childhood trauma/memories are stored in our bodies, and until we acknowledge them, they will try to get our attention like a persistent 2 year old.
For things to change, WE must realize that the belief that we need to put our needs last is false. What would happen if you began putting “the oxygen mask” on first?
You might just feel so much happier and more fulfilled, and “Happy wife happy life.” This is where you have the big, glowing impact being a woman. When you are happy, healthy and vibrant, you really do affect those you love.
You ARE the role model for your family, and now you set the stage or foundation for them to be healthier too.
Call to Action:
1) Ask yourself, “What do I need that I’m not getting? What do I really feel?”
2) Register for the next Frontier to Freedom class this Thursday, 5/16 from 6-8pm.
Join my community where we value honest communication in a safe space. We will create connection and you’ll walk away with some new belief attire.
By putting yourself first, understanding your needs and how to meet them in a healthy way, ironically enough, you’re taking a stand for your family.
Courageously,
Angie Monko
