My upcoming Heal Your Heart Online Retreat offers you a big opportunity to release some anger and replace it with empowerment as it has for past participants. Register below.
I Acknowledge You for Your Resentment
The Negative Effects of Resentment Toward the Ex
What is the impact of this distraction and drainage of energy?
- Our children witness our anger and how unhappy we seem. This role modeling teaches them coping habits, and how it plays out depends on their personality. If they are a sensitive, empathic child, they may be very protective of us and learn the relationship pattern of taking over-responsibility for others. If the child has a tendency to be quick tempered, they may further engrain this behavior and justify it by watching us.
- It will be very difficult to move on to another healthy relationship if we are distracted by our ex. We only have so much energy in the day, and anger/resentment is very draining. Further, it won’t give us much confidence that we’ll be able to get along in our next relationship if we can’t let go of the past one.
- Anger will cause us to stagnate in our lives. Anger is a cover up emotion that prevents us from accessing and feeling more vulnerable feelings like sadness and grief. If we don’t feel safe enough to look at what’s below the anger, we will stay stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns that mimic a younger version of ourselves.
- Resentment can have a negative effect on our physical and mental health. There is a known, proven mind-body connection. What doesn’t get dealt with emotionally gets expressed in our bodies. It takes a lot of energy to repress feelings. Therefore, it’s important to find a healthy release. Holding onto anger can lead to stress and anxiety, which often leads to “dis-ease” in the body which can manifest in any number of ways.
Letting Go of Resentment Toward Our Ex
- Acknowledge that we’re still mad and that’s okay for now. The solution isn’t denying our anger. Remember how I acknowleded you in the very beginning of this blog? It’s super important that the part of us that feels justifiably angry be acknowledged. The reason is that this act of validating how we feel relieves the steam as from a pressure cooker.
- Realize that we are NOT our anger. What we do is different from who we are. We can decide to see our anger, like all of our feelings, belonging to us, but not being us. I have a hypnosis script that invites us to see ourselves in a dressing room, in which there are many mirrors. We notice ourselves in one of the mirrors and we understand something we haven’t up until now…that who we truly are is not reflected in the mirror. Our true essence is invisible energy, behind the scenes of the body and emotions. We can say, “I am not my anger. I am the manager of it.”
- Realize that prolonged anger gives us a false sense of safety. It may appear to make us stronger by creating distance from another. In truth, anger can provide an energy that helps us to protect ourselves, and we don’t want to get rid of that. But beyond that initial impetus it gives us to self-protect, when we hold onto anger for a prolonged period of time, it drains our power and gives it to our ex.
- Find a healthy release of the anger. Any type of vigorous, physical movement can help–like jogging, jumping on a rebound machine, jumping jacks, cardio, running up and down stairs, martial arts, etc. Emotion is stored in our body, and so we need to release it from the body.
- Even though I’m so angry at ________, and they don’t deserve my forgiveness, I love and accept myself.
- Even though they did me wrong and I want them to suffer and pay for what they did, I love and accept myself.
- Even though there is no way I’m going to forgive them for how they hurt me, my anger feels good and protects me, I love and accept myself.
Forgiving Your Ex Sets YOU Free
- Imagine that you are standing on a stage, and the one you want to forgive approaches you. You are standing, facing one another, looking into each other’s eyes.
- Say, “Thank you, ________. I’ve learned my lesson from this encounter with you. I hereby declare our contract is complete. I forgive you and ask that you exit my energy field.”
- Cut the chord that connects you to them by swinging your arms with clenched fists, down behind your back and up over your head, and vigorously bring the arms down in front of your body, releasing your fists, as if pushing out the negative energy into the earth and cutting the chord.
- See the person turn away from you and exit the stage, walking until they fade in the distance, and you no longer see them. If they don’t fade away or aren’t willing to leave the stage, then that’s an indication that you have more anger to release. So go back and do some more tapping, journaling, etc.