While writing this, it’s Father’s Day, which can be a tricky day for some of us. Maybe we didn’t have and still don’t have the best relationship with our dad. That’s the case for me. How about you?
I mailed my dad a card on Saturday, and extended the invitation to get together for some one on one time, not out of guilt or obligation on my part, but to truly get to know him.
I realize when he ignores my attempts to be part of his life that HE is hurting. The Truth is that I DO care about a relationship with him, not out of desperation or needing his attention, but because I understand him and feel compassion for him.
I grew up in a perfectionist, critical household, where I felt I could never do enough to be okay. I was afraid to make mistakes because when I did, I made them very personal and feared that something was wrong with me. Can you relate?
I learned that to punish myself with critical words was a way to motivate me. Motivate me toward what? Accomplishment and success, to make a certain amount of money or weigh a certain amount, get someone’s attention, etc.
Problem is that two scenarios are possible when I continue to try to motivate myself from this “cracking-the-whip” mindset.
1) I don’t achieve what I want, and I question my worth.
2) I achieve what I want, celebrate briefly, and it’s on to the next pursuit.
Neither outcome is particularly satisfying, is it? Both outcomes rely on things happening outside of our control in order to feel good or enough. The odds of the stars aligning most or all of time in order for us to feel okay are slim to none. Sooner or later, life will catch up with us, and we’ll realize we are not the ones in charge, and it’s very tiring to keep up this struggle.
We need a better way, to stop this pattern of bullying behavior towards ourselves. Perhaps our father was a bully towards us, as in my case, or maybe you had the best dad in the world.
Regardless of the relationship with our father, the typical struggle with Father’s Day is a metaphor for our INNER STRUGGLE of the masculine aspect of our selves being out of balance and driving us hard to achieve and be better.
Further, the relationship we had with our dad most likely significantly contributes to our current relationship with our significant other.
Why should you care? This bullying, aggressive behavior towards ourselves has a negative impact on our most important relationship, the one with our spouse/significant other. And would you agree the quality of this relationship determines the the quality of our lives?
If you want to be happy and fulfilled, and stop the relentless striving for more and more, the masculine push for external achievement (which has its place of course when in harmony with our feminine nature) needs to be tempered. It creates a power struggle within ourselves, which leaks out and infests everyone and everything.
Take this Power Struggle Assessment now and see what the next step to Happiness and Fulfillment are.
Supporting you all the way,
Angie Monko
