I believe that I have been pushing myself too hard. Since mid-May I’ve been very careful about what I eat, eliminating sugar and starchy carbohydrates and certain foods I really enjoy, in the hope to release a few pounds and for optimum health. I really didn’t release much, if any, weight. So with the help of a nutritionist, I’m beginning to believe it’s hormonal and stress-related. This is a process for me. Instead of feeling angry at my body for not cooperating, I know I need to manage cortisol levels better, get more sleep (maybe or maybe not), enjoy life more, slow my pace, dance more, laugh more, and trust more.
Even with my form of exercise choice, it reveals to me my slave-driver masculine qualities, always needing to do more and achieve more. I do bikram yoga 3X weekly, 105 degrees for 1.5 hours. I know it releases a lot of toxins and I feel great afterwards, but is it the best form of exercise for me? I tend to make a decision and commit to it like a bulldog with great tenacity and stubbornness. I’m now learning that I needn’t attach so strongly to anything, and I’m willing to explore other forms of exercise, ones that I enjoy while I’m doing them. I’ve even made my meditation practice into an obligation.
Even though I really enjoy it, it should not get in the way of my life. If it’s more appropriate to spend time with my husband, kids or a friend, then I’m open to it. What does all of this mean? Does it mean I no longer appreciate commitment? No I don’t think so. It simply means I am re-prioritizing my commitments. Living in the here and now and finding joy and giving love and time to others so they can really connect to me is becoming more important. I’m making space in my life for others and myself. I’m letting myself out of the cage and prison of “you should do this.” If I live in joy that honors my body, mind and spirit, I will be on the right path.
When fear and doubt creep in and try to convince me that I will gain weight, go broke or lose friendships by just BEING, instead of DOING, I promise to myself that I will breathe and release. Do you have a slave driver at the helm of your life’s boat? I’m not asking you to change anything about this today. I’m asking you to open your heart and mind and begin to explore what is driving you. If it’s joy and love, keep on keeping on! If it’s fear of you not being enough, then pause.
Just take a few moments of silence and go within. Ask yourself what it is okay to slightly change and then do it–one small step at a time.
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Peace & Blessings,