How many people in the world do you truly TRUST with your heart? Take a moment right now and add them
up in your head.
If the number is small (mine was 3), this is an indication that you are in self-protection mode, or more accurately, in over-protection because the world doesn’t feel safe.
I am considered a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), a coin termed by Dr. Elaine Aron for about 20% of the world’s people whose nervous systems are wired differently than the rest.
We can become over-stimulated by other people’s energy, sights, sounds, smells, etc. It also means that we will be more susceptible to the over-protection I referred to.
The other 80% will still over-protect but not as noticeably or intensely.
I don’t want to be in over-protection mode, but I recognize it as a necessary phase in my process of grief, after losing my daughter, Maddie (22), this past October.
My intention is to LOVE others unconditionally. That is HOW I want to live my life, but I’m not there.
I’ve been looking at my relationships to see if a person “has my back.” Do they feel safe…will they protect my heart? Will they do what they say they’ll do? Will they avoid gossiping about me? Will they be there
for me without judgment? Will they honestly communicate how they think and feel?
This is fearful thinking, but it’s where I’m at. I’m not quite ready to shift my story of suffering and betrayal. Losing Maddie has impacted me.
Part of me wants people to feel sorry for me, because I feel sorry for me. Because I’m aware of this, I know what I need to work on to move forward.
If I change my story from “I should be suffering because I lost Maddie and miss her so much” to “Life goes on.
She’s no longer suffering and would want me to be happy,” this would cheapen her memory.
Again, this isn’t true to me consciously, but it is subconsciously from a feeling standpoint. I’ve got a couple of healing sessions later this week that will help me release the guilt, shame and regret of how I showed up as a mom to Maddie.
Another confession. When I first began my business 11 years ago, I didn’t invest in life coaching. I invested plenty in business coaching.
Arrogantly, I felt that I was doing a ton of internal, subconscious work and was more effective at it than those who would help me. Yikes! Ya think my EGO had a hand in that decision?! You betcha.
Unfortunately, that was a mistake. If we want to be successful with our health, our careers, our relationships, whatever’s really important, we need to seek outside help because we don’t see our own blind spots, no matter how conscious we THINK we are.
If we want to accelerate our path to ______, we need to ask for help and not be an island unto ourselves.
So do you trust me? If you don’t, I understand. If you do, thank you. It’s a huge honor. I won’t take advantage of your trust. Trust truly is earned.
One day I hope to say that I trust everyone with my most precious asset, my heart, because I trust myself implicitly to keep me safe. And I don’t rely on others to make me feel safe or loved or accepted.
Until then, because this is MY path, to trust YOU…maybe…just maybe…you’ll consider trusting me JUST ENOUGH to move forward together on your journey to FREEDOM and LOVE.
My next Frontier to Freedom class is this Thursday, April 11 from 6-8pm.
Register today. I will NOT judge you for where you are. I will love you as best I can until you can do that for yourself.
Courageously,
Angie Monko
