Are you a martyr? You know how you have a big heart and
want to help everyone? What if you were able to channel this
energy into a much bigger, positive impact?
The internet definitions: “A person who is killed because of their religious or
other beliefs,” OR “A person who displays or exaggerates their discomfort
or distress in order to obtain sympathy or admiration.”
Why Identify As a Martyr?
Ugh. Neither sounds very appealing, does it? Who would
ever want to claim such a label? I guess the only reason we’d
identify with it is so that we can heal this part of ourselves.
It doesn’t mean our entire being is a martyr, but an aspect or
part of ourselves.
I’ve been diving much deeper into energy healing work. Been
doing it for many years using emotional freedom technique
and Donna Eden’s daily energy routine and chakra balancing
by doing the Tibetan yoga rites, but my focus lately has been
on learning more about chakras.
Why You Should Care About Your Chakras
Chakras are concentrated energy centers of the body. Chakra
is a Sanskrit term which means “wheel” or “disk.” They are spinning
wheels of energy/light.
They are sort of like the encyclopedia of your life. They can tell
your story if you know how to interpret and work with them.
There are 7 chakras of the body, and they start at the root near
your pelvis and travel up the center line of your body to the top of
the head or crown chakra.
Your Heart Chakra/Martyr Connection
Today I’d like to talk about the Heart Chakra, which lies on
top of your heart and lungs, because if you’ve any martyr
tendencies, they are housed here and also can be healed here.
I can definitely relate to feeling like a martyr. This was a
blind spot until I lost my daughter, Maddie, last fall (a year
ago). It’s taken a real dose of humility to admit that I have
wanted people’s sympathy.
And reading the first definition, it also strikes a chord with me.
Though I’m still alive, I’ve been told that in a prior life I was
burned at the stake for practicing energy techniques, things
people didn’t understand and so labeled me a “witch.” I paid
the ultimate price with my life.
Whether you believe in reincarnation or not is not important.
Is this true? I don’t know, but I do know that in this life I have
had a deep insecurity about expressing my religious beliefs
in fear of being judged, rejected and probably,
subconsciously, killed by being rejected from the tribe/
community.
By working on my heart chakra, I do feel this is changing
within me, and that it’s feeling more and more safe to just
BE ME.
Healthy Heart Chakra=Unconditionally Loving
When the heart chakra is healthy and in harmony with our true
self, we unconditionally love ourselves and others, or at least
we strive to and understand the value of moving in this direction.
When we are living in the shadow of our heart chakra, we
feel like a martyr. We have codependent patterns, taking over-
responsibility for others. We don’t have clear boundaries.
We worry about others, take responsibility for them, hold onto
too tightly. Thus we don’t give them the space to step into their
own power.
I have certainly done this with my late daughter, Maddie. I do it
with Steve, my husband, and with my mom. I can be dramatic
to elicit sympathy. I also secretly enjoy being admired for how
much I know.
Being a Martyr Leaks Energy
Needing to play the hero in my loved ones’ lives and truly
feeling like I know best is a form of disrespect.
When I try to control outcomes to keep ME feeling safe and to prevent
their demise, according to my skewed perception, I leak energy
by trying to control something that cannot be controlled.
AND all of my efforts have the opposite effect. When I do this,
we can’t be authentically connected, because I’ve put myself
above them.
I’ve been asking the Universe to help me open and harmonize
my heart chakra. I truly want to let go of this arrogance.
Why I Share Such Intimate Stories with You
As a coach, sometimes we feel that we should have things
figured out already. We hesitate to share how we really feel
and let others know our lives aren’t perfect.
We’re told this because we shouldn’t make things about us,
but about our clients/potential clients.
And if we’re in the thick of a transformation ourselves, we
shouldn’t get too vulnerable because it would be like the
“blind leading the blind.” Further, we shouldn’t use our marketing
content as a therapy session for ourselves as we stand the
chance of losing credibility as a leader.
Well I’ve always been somewhat of a renegade. I’m going to
trust my instincts about what to share, why and when.
I agree that whatever I write should be about YOU and help
YOU. It just so happens that what I do to help others is to help
them move from people pleasing to empowered loving (in
other words, to love, accept, trust, forgive and honor themselves).
And the messages I share about MY OWN TRANSFORMATION are
very much related to this journey of self discovery and acceptance.
As far as WHEN to share something…am I no longer charged
or triggered by the “lesson”….well this is really gray territory.
I don’t think it matters, as long as YOU are helped by my pondering
and exploration of self..
And today’s message is very related to people pleasing, because
people pleasers frequently play the martyr role, unbeknownst to them.
Tips to Arrest Martyr Response—if You’re Ready
What can you do IF YOU’RE READY to stop being the martyr?
On the other side of being a martyr is being am empowered force
for good in this world, to do your best to love unconditionally, and
to be FREE and finally at peace. Big reward, right?
Here a couple of tips, quick actionable things you can do.
Put your hands over your heart, massage and say, “Open and
harmonize.”
Still with hands over heart, sincerely ask a question like below:
“How would it feel to love unconditionally?”
”How would it feel to allow others to step into their own power?”
”How would it feel to take responsibility ONLY for myself?”
I am truly grateful for you. Sending you so much love, knowing
that you CAN do this. You CAN let others lead their own lives
and focus on your side of the street. You CAN be gentle and
loving toward yourself.
You CAN Do This—Let’s Talk
You are lovable and good enough. You know how you have a
big heart and want to help everyone? This is the path to truly
being able to do that.
I’ve got a handful of spots to talk with you if you’re ready. I
want to guide you from the exhaustion of martyrdom to the
freedom and peace of empowered loving.
Reply to this email and let me know you’d like to take the next
step.
Courageously,
Angie Monko
