Lately I’ve been talking about should you stay or should you go
with a relationship, a situation, with yourself.
I made two big, difficult decisions in in this regard. Once, in 1998
I decided to leave my marriage. And in 2011, I decided to leave a
corporate career in finance after 20 years.
More recently, I’m deciding if I should stay or go with clients and
and WHO I really want to work with.
My coach asked me if I could describe a group of people I’d
like to spend time with, what would they be doing? What are their
We’d be talking about deep things, like life and spirituality, chakras,
energy, healing ourselves and others. We’d probably be entrepreneurs
trying to grow our businesses.
We’d have a deep value in family, warm connections, friendliness,
authenticity, freedom to be ourselves, traveling, being in nature.
We’d value kindness, caring and courtesy and are most likely empaths.
We’d be safe to be around each other, having each other’s back. We’d feel
safe psychologically and wouldn’t play games with each other.
We would honestly communicate even when something was bothering us.
We wouldn’t sever a relationship over a misunderstanding because we’d
commit to talking things through.
We’d enjoy good food and conversations together, hanging out in beautiful
natural settings, near a fireplace, in a Jacuzzi, near the ocean, mountains, streams,
lakes, canyons, etc. We’d go hiking together. We’d find gift shops with stones,
incense, clever signs, etc.
The second part of the assignment was to write the 10 most important
qualities in someone:
5. Personally responsible
7. Respectful of others even with different beliefs
8. Spiritual/understands energy
9. Values growing, learning, questioning
10. Values holistic health and well being
Finally, the last part of the assignment was to describe the
perfect person for me to work with. Do you see yourself in
the following 6 attributes? It’s important to have the qualities
in bold letters, to my bias, in order to make meaningful change.
1) She is open to a world of things outside of the 5 senses.
She’s a deeply feeling and spiritual person, having a heart full of love
but wounded by life. She is empathic and feels everything going on
with others. She takes it on and is taken advantage of by others
because she doesn’t see her own worth. She is beautiful on the inside
and out, very kind and compassionate, but has low self-esteem and
feels not enough.
2) She is ready to make a change in her life, leaving the old way behind.
She gratefully invests wisely in herself because she highly values the up
-leveling she sees occurring.
3) She is usually pretty humble, but she is self-protective and has her guard
up. She is not jaded or unwilling to trust the right person. Once she finds
her “tribe,” she opens up like a flower in bloom, waiting to be accepted and
belong. She doesn’t trust easily with the deepest parts of her heart. She tries
to keep it together because people seem to rely on her, but sometimes she
just wants to be taken care of.
4) She takes personal responsibility for her well-being and how she thinks
and feels. She is a person of her word and is committed to being her best
self. She is afraid to feel her painful feelings but is willing to go there if gently
nudged. She may turn to food, alcohol or some substance or activity to comfort
her. She wants things to look a certain way before she can relax, and she
is ready to change this.
5) She gets easily hurt if others misunderstand her good intentions. That’s
why loyalty in friendship is so important to her. She doesn’t have many friendships.
The ones she does have are deep and meaningful to her.
6) She has a huge heart to help others. She tends to over-give and sometimes
feels resentful because others don’t seem to give back as much. The real
problem is that she hasn’t learned to openly receive or ask for help without
feeling like she has to return the favor.
If this sounds like you and you’re ready to move forward,
stand up for yourself whether you stay or go, and really upgrade
your relationships and hence the quality of your life, register now
for our next 10/14 workshop, Should You Stay Or Should You Go?