I want to give credit to Dawn Ferguson, my coach, for the following information that really helped me (with my spin on it). We all have parts of our personality that are needy. There are four main levels from which we operate. We will violate our values to get the needs of our personality met.
It’s important to be able to recognize this and turn our needs into corresponding strengths.
I. Transform your need for Safety to your strength of Security.
a. When you operate from the level of safety, you rely on external stimulants to feel good, such as others’ behavior, food, alcohol.
b. When you operate from the level of security, you realize that your outer surroundings are a reflection of your inner world. So when things go bad, you don’t blame. You take corrective action and perhaps redouble your efforts.
II. Transform your need for Drama to your strength of Freedom.
a. When you operate from the level of drama, you tend to gravitate toward emotional chaos. It is actually quite exciting and it makes you feel alive.
b. When you operate from the level of freedom, you realize you get to choose how you want to experience life. You think, “Let me find situations that push me out of my comfort zone,” not to be dramatic but to feel free.
III. Transform your need for Importance to your strength of Significance.
a. When you operate from the level of importance, you take things personally. You always need to point out what you do for others, to be recognized. You may feel rejected easily. You may over-give so people will think you are so nice and generous, but it comes from a place of neediness.
b. When you operate from the level of significance, you realize that you are significant no matter what others do or say. You detach and stay out of the outcome. THEY are responsible for their behavior, and YOU are responsible for yours and your response. Their opinion is none of your business, and you don’t allow others to make you feel rejected.
IV. Transform your need for Connection to your strength of Love.
a. When you operate from the level of connection, you tend to stay in relationships too long. You hold yourself back from being you to keep others from feeling uncomfortable. You are always settling and justifying someone else’s mistreatment of you. Career-wise, you may take clients who aren’t ideal,
just to feel connection.
b. When you operate from the level of love, you set expectations and boundaries and you hold others accountable. You realize you can only teach others by modeling good behavior. You don’t hold onto unhealthy relationships just to make you feel comfortable.
Plan of Action for the New Year
1) Decide which level you’re operating from (safety, drama, importance, connection).
2) How does it serve you to stay stuck? What pain are you avoiding?
3) List 3 goal-achieving activities you can do to get your need met in a healthy way. Note: goal-achieving activities don’t feel good in the moment, but they feel great later on down the road. For example, you can pray daily and ask God to help you see yourself through God’s eyes. You can journal about how you feel. You can meditate for 5 minutes. It just depends on what your need is.
4) Make a decision to move from need to strength by taking the above daily actions.
5) How will you reward yourself for the first 3 months? Reward yourself every 2-3 weeks
(movies, hot bath, 2 hours hour, nap, etc.). I understand this is not easy work.
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