Do you feel like an imposter in your life? How so?
With whom in your life are you showing up inauthentically? With your spouse, children, boss, parent, sibling, or what about with yourself? The latter is the most damaging.
In what area are you feeling stagnant? Your job or business, your personal relationships, with your bank account, your body, or what?
In this blog, I discuss how women coaches show up as imposters and how to overcome imposter syndrome and become much more resilient.
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Are Your Daily Habits Feeding Your Soul?
We teach what we need to learn, and I need to learn how to be less of an imposter in my own life. It’s happened in subtle ways. Let me give you an example.
I have become an imposter in the writing of this blog. I have delegated the picking of blog topics to a team member, based on metrics by AI of the most relevant topics. My team mate even gave me the outline of the blog, and then I weaved my personality into it and fleshed out the writing.
In and of itself, this isn’t a big deal. People are wisely using AI tools to reach their ideal client. However, somewhere along the line over the last two years, my writing, which is cathartic and fulfilling, has become less enjoyable because it has felt more like an item to check off of my to-do list.
Yes, I want to connect with YOU, serve you, and give you value that will help you transform your life, AND I want the effort to feed my soul as well. It needs to be a two way street. After all, I’m the main beneficiary of my content, since I’m the one who reads and writes every blog’s words.
Why Did You Become a Coach/Practitioner?
You became a coach and/or holistic practitioner because you love helping people in a deep, meaningful way, right? But somewhere along the line, you became disappointed with your results. You expected more and thought it would be much easier to help people. You had this romantic vision of guiding them from their pain to their primrose path.
You learned there are many obstacles to helping YOUR people get the change they want:
1) Your limiting beliefs about what you deserve and are worth (the imposter).
2) Picking your niche feels nearly impossible, which is a problem because it’s step one in the marketing funnel. Ugh.
3) What the heck should you offer them–private coaching, group coaching, online or in person, etc.? So many choices.
4) Where do you find them?
5) How do you convince them to work with you? Does it ever feel like you are “hitting the ball and dragging Betty to first base?”
In these ways and many others, we can feel like a loser in our busienss. You may begin to doubt that prosperity is coming to you, when it comes to eking out a living in this industry. What if the reason for this is because of how you’ve been programmed?
Why Does Lack Feel More Comfy Than Prosperity?
“I’m not enough” is a very common belief that most people feel to some extent. But this is what struck me. I heard someone talking about the topic of money on a podcast. He pointed out how TV, movies and shows purposely portray rich people as bad, greedy, boring, etc.
For example, think about the movie, Titanic. Do you recall how Jack was able to get on the Titanic because he won a bet gambling? He was very poor, and he lured Rose to hang out with his people one evening. The poor were very laid back and having a good ‘ole time dancing and drinking.
Contrast this to Rose’s uptight mother, Ruth, who cared more about her image by far than Rose’s happiness. Ruth was more than happy to force her daughter to marry the rich man, Cal Hockley, who brilliantly played the arrogant, cruel villain, so that her family’s bills would be paid.
The rich are often painted as shallow, uncaring, and unlikable. Conversely, the poor are romanticized as deep, wise because they know what really matters in life, and charming.
Subconsciously we are drawn to the poor. Certainly they are better role models than the slimy, sleazy rich guys.
The archetypal wealthy person is so ingrained in our psyche as bad that no wonder we don’t want anything to do with acquiring money. We are led to believe that having money equals bad.
You Don’t Have Enough Time
Haven’t you also been convinced that you should be poor in time?
You see people who give tirelessly of their time. They are stretched thin, don’t know how to say no to requests of their time, and they are lauded as heroes. Never mind that they are exhausted and heading for burn out.
During the holidays we buy into the fact that we HAVE to be frantic and can’t slow down. Ladies, I have to admit men have this one figured out much better than we do. Men are more likely to do less multi-tasking and go after what they want without all of the associated guilt and shame that women bring along for the ride of success attainment.
In these ways, society has programmed us to be poor, not only with money but with our time. And if we don’t believe we are deserving of time and money, why should we be deserving of love? Let’s wrap all of this not enoughness into a nice little bundle, and we have the belief of “I’m not enough.”
This is why scarcity feels much more normal than prosperity. There is nothing wrong with you. You’ve simply been programmed by TV, movies and media, every bit as much as by your parents, teachers and other role models, that you aren’t enough.
You’ve been taught that being poor is much more noble than having money. You’ve been taught that being exhausted, sick and sacrificing for everyone else is much more heroic than being healthy, empowered and knowing your worth. You’re “selfish” if you speak up for yourself or don’t go along with the mainstream.
In essence, you’ve been programmed to abandon yourself for the sake of being a team player. Ironically, this self-abandonment has the opposite effect of making us good community contributors.
When we are run down, bending over backward to people please, to convince others of our worth, we bring a much less stellar version of ourselves to our homes, to our businesses, and to our communities. Is this what you really want?
I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to shuck these unexamined beliefs. I don’t like being duped to keep me small, to keep me from becoming the best version of myself, do you?
What Does Resilience Have to Do With This?
The more you believe that who you are right now, exactly as you are, is enough, and that you are worthy of lots of love, time and money, the more grounded you are. You’re like that steady lighthouse that isn’t going anywhere.
Being grounded in your worth, you have more energy, confidence and momentum to keep moving forward. In other words, you are resilient.
Being resilient means you can bounce back from difficulties. Each time you prove to yourself that you can handle hard things, the more quickly you’re able to do it too. You get back little pieces of your life that you used to give away by abandoning yourself.
When you take a stand for yourself, to become the most healthy, happy, resilient, and whole you, the collective heals. Your efforts to break free from the lack paradigm DO make a difference.
Keep shining your light. Who you really are is enough…right now. Having plenty of money, plenty of time (energy), and loads of love are your birthright. Prosperity is what needs to be normalized, not lack.
You’ve been programmed through TV, movies, and media to believe that the poor and stretched thin over-givers are what you should strive to be. But this is romanticized propaganda to keep you small. Don’t buy into it.
If you’d like support in overcoming imposter syndrome, increasing your income and impact, check out my upcoming Sabotage to Self Love for Coaches & Holistic Practitioneers.