In this blog, we will focus on the effect that feeling abandoned has on our nervous system, and hence, on our life. If we’ve had a childhood trauma of feeling abandoned, this gets imprinted upon our energy and stored in our body’s cellular memory.
What Is Abandonment Trauma?
How Do You Know If You’re In Abandonment Trauma From Your Past?
1. Body Sensations (emotional, internal heaviness, exhaustion, depression)
2. Thoughts (language that comes with trauma response).
Hopelessness thoughts. “It’s too much. What’s the point?” With abandonment, we might think, “Why should I open my heart to someone? They will just end up leaving in the end anyway. Why bother?”
3. Active Physical Health
Inflammation-based diseases are all associated with trauma response (not a stress response).
- Brain fog/inflammation
- Going through the motions (on autopilot)
- Gut inflammation–more sensitive to foods
- Intestinal permeability
- Chronic pain, chronic fatigue, chronic health conditions
- Auto-immune, skin conditions.
Effect Of Your Attachment Style On Abandonment Trauma
Anxious (Insecure) Attachment
Avoidant (Insecure) Attachment
Fearful/Avoidant (insecure) Attachment
- “Feels secure in their relationships and their ability to express their emotions openly and honestly.
- Adults with a secure attachment can depend on their partners and in turn, let their partners rely on them.
- Relationships are based on honesty, tolerance, and emotional closeness.
- The secure attachment type thrive in their relationships, but also don’t fear being on their own.
- They do not depend on the responsiveness or approval of their partners, and tend to have a positive view of themselves and others.”
Johnny’s Story of Abandonment
The Abandonment Trauma
The Beginning Of The Shell
The Habit Of Attempting To Save Others Was Formed
Johnny’s First Girlfriend–The Avoidant Attachment
Johnny Continues To Subconsciously Seek Non-Commital Women
Johnny’s Temporary Coping Mechanism
Enough Is Enough–Maybe I Need To Heal Myself
How To Heal Abandonment Trauma
- SAFETY: To heal from Trauma, we need a visceral sense of safety in the body. We need a boost of energy and time to open our hearts again after trauma has caused us to retreat within our own shell.
- SUPPORT: If the body is stressed, what it needs more than anything else is to know we’re not alone, that someone is supporting us and has our back. If we feel alone, we are more likely to stay in trauma.
- Once we feel SAFE and SUPPORTED, we can break the trauma pattern and begin to process and release the trauma from our bodies.
- Only then can we move into growth, expansion, joy and happiness. Otherwise, these positive emotions will feel too risky. Because our disappointment would be too painful, we avoid putting ourselves out there.
Go To The Body For Answer, Not The Head
How We Do Self-Care Matters And That We Do It
1. Take 3 deep breaths
Put your hands over your heart, breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth audibly.
2. Get Grounded
3. (Donna Eden’s Triple Warmer Smoothie):
- Take both hands and rub them together vigorously. Shake them out.
- Cup your hands and put them over your eyes–take a deep breath.
- Move your fingertips over your eyebrows to your temples–Deep breath.
- Slide your fingertips around the back of the ears and down your neck, along the vagus nerve.
- Squeeze your shoulders and end with dropping your hands to your heart.
- Deep breath.
4. Connect to your breath
Bring both hands together, palms touching slightly. Notice all of those sensations.
- Place your hands over heart again.
- Imagine someone you love, maybe even your creator.
- Imagine this someone embracing you lovingly, holding you, gently rocking you.
- Can you receive that?
- Just observe how you receive that or resist it.
- What if this person or entity handed you an imaginary heart full of love?Now tuck that love into your heart.
9. Hug Yourself
Rub both sides of your arms. Great job!
In order to do this, you want a safe container of support. I can provide that. Let’s Talk. I’ve a women’s group starting very SOON. Let’s see if it makes sense for you to join us and finally get past this trauma.
Specializing in Grief & Trauma