It’s springtime. Time to plant new seeds or intentions for your next chapter after divorce even you’re in the middle of divorce, are past it, or just contemplating it.
WHY is this so important? Without having a vision of the future that you want to create, Life has a way of just tossing us about. Our decisions become aimless when we have no thoughtful purpose behind them.
When life burns us through a difficult experience like divorce, loss or even loss of our self, we want to burrough and take refuge some place safe. We don’t think about our future. We survive in the now. This makes total sense, doesn’t it?
When the dust settles, make sure to give yourself some time to write down a few things that you really want. What are your 3 core values?
My 3 core values are creating authentic, deep connection with myself and others, being kind, and holistic wellness/health.
I tried to pick 3 things that feel congruent with how I actually show up in life AND that I want to be remembered by. For it to be a value, it needs to be both—something you implement and something that means a lot to you.
A core value shouldn’t be something we appreciate but don’t do, because that’s not truly a value; it’s a wish. I’m not saying we can’t transform ourselves to meet that value, but it’s not here now. For example, I do value patience when I witness it in others, but currently it’s not my strong suit, and so I can’t claim it’s a core value.
My Three Core Values
To help drive this point home, let me break down my 3 core values. Side note: I’m not tooting my own horn here. I don’t do these things perfectly, but I do them consistently and they mean something to me.
1) Creating authentic, deep connection with myself and others. I spend 70 to 100 minutes daily doing mental/emotional self-care, including journaling, tapping, meditation, daily energy routine, Tibetan yoga rites, infrared sauna, reading inspirational literature, etc.
This doesn’t include a physical workout that I do 3 times per week or the way I choose to eat consciously, drink good water, etc., though that helps towards holistic health.
This is a practice I’m committed to. And by grounding myself in this way, I am able to connect to myself, feel my feelings. Most importantly, it allows me to connect with others better. When I understand myself, I’m more compassionate with others, can feel their pain and know we are all connected.
I’m able to connect heart to heart with others, ask them questions that let them know I hear them. I enjoy this process.
2) Being kind. I send 2-3 note cards to people each week, to let them know I care, to let them know I know they are hurting, to inspire them, uplift them, etc. I do my best to speak with kindness and respect to others. I try not to jump to judgment too quickly.
I do nice things for people to recognize them, that I see them, hear them, feel for them. I’d say I do a decent job of being kind. It’s core to my being that I don’t want to hurt others, and so do identify as a kind person. To say being kind is one of my values means that I practice it consistently and to the best of my ability.
I mess up though because I’m human. I am mean to my husband on occasion, or neglect calling my mom and dad or others I love enough, am tired and don’t take the time to go out of my way for someone. Just because I could improve this value doesn’t negate that it is a value.
3) Holistic Wellness/Health. Ever since my daughter, Maddie, was born with cystic fibrosis, in 1996, I’ve made it a point to understand health practices from a holistic viewpoint. My passion ramped up even more when Maddie’s health began to decline after she began taking IV antiobiotics in 2011, as they are known to interfere with the gutt micriobome, the home of our immune system.
In addition, having a child with a chronic illness put me on high alert for loss. I wanted to avoid being abandoned by her and those I love, and I sought out health remedies to prolong a quality life. You might call me a “health nut,” in that I promote organic food, high quality water, regular exercise, mental and emotional health, spiritual connection, and alternative solutions overall.
We are a whole being, and so to have whole wellness, we have to consider all aspects of health.
With all of these values, I walk my talk. I am congruent overall. Like I said, I’m not perfect. I need to drop some weight, but I have plenty of energy, and I feel strong and vital.
Perhaps you want something real bad, but it has eluded you. This is because there is a part of you that is not in alignment with this image of you having it. You have a value that you want to value (a wish), but you’re not backing it with habits that will invite your desire to you.
In order to get what you want, this gap between desire and reality needs to be bridged. The only way I know how to do that is to heal the part of your heart that feels insufficient, unworthy, undeserving.
How are these things related? Housed in our subconscious are beliefs and feelings that tell us how to behave 99% of the time. You may have a belief that whispers, “You need to be perfect to get other’s approval and love,” OR “You better comply 100% of the time with what people ask of you, and so what if it wears you out, because you need THEM to survive.”
We all have a myriad of beliefs that keep us feeling trapped and stuck. The good news is that there are ways to re-program these beliefs to ones that serve us better.
If you’re going through divorce, it’s more important than ever that you beef up your self-worth muscle, in other words, heal your heart. Heal your heart now from grief, guilt, shame, fear, anger…..
Believe in your heart that you are deserving of asking for your fair share of custody and assets. And get some solid advice on divorce logistics, the types of divorce, getting the right legal support, etc.
Register now and through August 20th to receive early bird pricing of $97 ($147 after that) for the Heal Your Heart Online Retreat: Advice and Support for Women Going Through Divorce.
I’m here to support you,
Angie Monko
PS: Please forward this email to a woman you know who is considering divorce, going through one, or even dealing with the side effects of a bad divorce.
