Do you feel like you belong to a group who
will have your back, truly listen to you when
you’re having a meltdown, ESPECIALLY when
you don’t feel grounded?
A few years ago I felt like I had this, and I was
personally and professionally thriving. But things
shifted due to various circumstances which are really
unimportant. I believe it was because I was meant to
stand on my own two feet and trust myself.
This isn’t to say that I should isolate myself from
community. But it did require giving myself time to
be alone, cleanse myself of beliefs that told me I
wasn’t enough and replace them with beliefs that
told me I deserved love and support.
We Feel Rejected When Others Disagree With Us
When someone disagrees with us, it’s so easy to
want to hide. We fear that they won’t like us and want to
stay friends. We fear rejection and being booted from
our tribe, which is subconsciously 100% needed in
order for us to feel safe.
We Judge Others When They Disagree With Us
On the flip side, if we hear someone speaking values,
opinions and beliefs that vary from ours, we immediately
begin to judge them and wonder, “Should I stay in
relationship with this person? They are wrong and obviously
misinformed.” We stop trying to understand them.
The downside to seeking understanding is that it puts
us into the frightening territory of the unknown of our
inner landscape of thoughts, feelings and pain. We
have to stay open and give up self-protection, which is
very uncomfortable. AND we have to be willing to
give up the need to be right (which also protects us).
However, there is a big upside to seeking understanding.
We get to create real connection with another, which
feels much more satisfying than the temporary jolt of
being right, which leads to constriction of our energy.
Giving from a place of love feels good and fills us with
expansive energy. Think about how you feel when you
write a spontaneous note to someone and mail it off, or
when you take the time to really honor someone with
kindness.
Now compare that to how you feel when you argue
with someone and want to prove them wrong. Yes,
the EGO may temporarily love it, but the effects are
short-term. When we judge someone, it drains our
energy. I believe the reason for this is that we truly
are all one and connected.
When you hurt, I hurt.
Morgan and I don’t always agree on things. I had
to remind myself when talking with her today, before
shooting our video, “Who am I talking with? This is Morgan.
She’s safe. I can trust her. Stay open. You don’t have the
market on “right,” Angie. We don’t have to agree on
everything as a condition of our friendship and love.”
Ideally, we try to present a unified front, but we
don’t always agree. We did a lot of listening to each
other, and staying open to another view point.
Neither of us has to be wrong. We can both feel
heard.
What if we just opened ourselves up to a discussion, and not
needing to prove another wrong or shame them. It
doesn’t help build connection, foster better perspectives or
solutions, or move society forward.
It stunts our growth. Our initial impulse is to shut down.
We must remind ourselves, “I’m safe to disagree; I’m safe
to have compassion and seek to understand where they’re
coming from.”
We all deserve to feel heard and understood, but not necessarily
to be agreed with.
TIP: We’re never going to find someone who agrees with
us on everything. This means we can let go of trying to
control our relationships based on what people believe.
It’s safe for us to have relationships with people who don’t agree
with our views.
Please comment on how you handle it when someone
disagrees with you.
How can we all be more open to learning from others,
keeping lines of communication fluid, and our hearts
receptive?
If we want justice and sustainable change for all, we need
to stay open and truly hear each other.
Peace,
Angie & Morgan
