I have always been very hard on myself. Somewhere along the way, I learned that working hard equated to making money. The harder I work, the more money I make. Is it any wonder that subconsciously I don’t want to be more “successful”? I’d like to think I don’t get my kicks by working my butt off, but considering my natural inclination to burnout, maybe I do? My conclusion: I do subconsciously want to work hard and
burn out (because that’s what I do), and, at the same time, my subconscious mind won’t let me go further because it fears I might actually die. So I put the brakes on so that I’m not TOO successful or great.
I keep listening to my inner voice that says,”You already have to work too hard to be where you’re at, and you can’t handle any more. Life is tough. Making money is tough. Clients are difficult and unwilling to change when it comes right down to it, and so why even try? You aren’t creative enough. You don’t deserve more than this. Being happy and abundant aren’t natural ways of being. Just stop with it all.” Right now, I’m on day seven of a 21-day Consciousness Cleanse through Debbie Ford’s book called the same (a couple of months ago it was a physical cleanse and now this).
It’s like a soul journey to awaken my consciousness. In conjunction, I’m reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. Both processes are revealing insights to me. For example, being strongly attached to meeting agendas and to-do lists my entire life, I find this needing-to-perform aspect of my ego very tough to relinquish. It’s much easier for me to be HUMAN than for me to be BEING. I haven’t felt like writing the last two Fridays, like I normally do, mostly because I think I just needed to rest my mind and relax. Even now
part of me doesn’t want to write but not because I’m being a rebel or need to rest. It’s that part of me that says if I do decide to write, ONLY do it because I really want to and not because I’ll feel like a failure if I don’t. This is really new thinking for me.
1) I didn’t write the last two weeks when I didn’t feel like it; and 2) I am actually writing now because I was inspired to share this process with you.
I sense that this means I’m letting go of pleasing others and following my own heart and soul guidance. Yay! I’m changing my behaviors by becoming aware of my beliefs/thoughts/emotions, acknowledging and feeling them without judgment, releasing them and reclaiming my power. It’s a pretty cool process! Read more along this line on my next article.
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Peace & Blessings,