I enjoyed meeting my sixteen-year-old self. She was the tenacious, lively part of me who wasn’t afraid to take risks, and she knew exactly what she wanted and went for it. She was confident and vibrantly alive and spunky. This was a time in my life when I’d began dating a much older man. I had won Homecoming and Prom Queen of my junior year in high school, and I graduated one year early with honors, at the age of 16.
I also started college that summer. I was sexually confident. I was going places. This is also the part of me who is selfish and wants what she wants and needs to be right. I have asked her to think things through more carefully and also to come forward in the bedroom and help me to be more “alive” in that capacity. It’s so easy to allow my eleven-year-old to take over with responsibilities and chores and work so hard that when it’s time to be intimate with my husband, I have little energy left, and being close becomes a lesser priority.
This is not fair to him or myself. Even though I admire her spunky qualities, my adult goal is balance and harmony and not to be extreme in any one area, such as needing a man. She felt she needed a man to be fully defined and to receive love. She was searching for the love of her Dad, of which she felt deprived. I have re-assured her that she doesn’t need any person to be loved. She doesn’t need to be right in order to be loved. She is already loved!
I thanked her for the spice and courage she has brought to my life. Pretty cool!
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Peace & Blessings,