It seems like around this time every year, I just feel like getting away to be by myself. In the past two years, I’ve gone to this place called Assumption Abbey, a monastery in Ava, Missouri. It’s a very peaceful and lovely place centered in a spiritual vortex in the Midwest. There are walking trails in the woods, and the monks have regularly scheduled masses, and they make all of their own meals. One of the things they do
to keep the place operating is make fruit cakes and sell them.
They offer the place to people for a love offering, and you’re invited to share in their meals as well. It’s a modest place as far as furnishings, but what I love about it is the peace and tranquility. You can’t always up and leave your family for a weekend though, can you? So what can you do when you feel out of sorts and being pulled in different directions? Last night I kept getting up to use the restroom, and around 3am, my
husband still hadn’t come to bed. I’d been awakened by a loud thumping noise and went to investigate. Well, he and my daughter, Chelsea, her friend, and my brother-in-law, Jim, were all out in the living room watching a movie–at 3am!
My husband had decided that Chelsea could “skip” school Friday since she’d gone to her first ever concert Thursday night and had gotten home late. It agitated me because I felt like they’d all be sleeping the day away while I worked. I felt my judgments rise. I just went back to bed, but I felt annoyed and had a hard time getting back to sleep at first. So I asked myself, “How can you calm yourself and go to sleep even though you know the alarm is going to go off in an hour?” (I get up early as you can see). So I started to breathe deeply and say to myself, “I love and appreciate even this little life annoyance. I love and appreciate this moment.” I fell asleep quickly. I had effectively self-soothed!
Then later in the morning when I was lying in the hot bikram yoga studio on my mat, about to practice, I mused about how I get so impatient with life’s inconveniences. They are more of an energy robber than death. I asked myself, “Why should life’s circumstances be easy?” Do I really require them to be easy to feel good? It seems that I have not accepted life’s petty disturbances as part of life. Even just as I typed
this, my computer did something and deleted a sentence–you know how those little quirks can happen, right? I began to react and get angry for it “inconveniencing” me. How dare it waste my precious time? I laughed at myself, observing my silliness.
The truth is I have the ability to accept life on life’s terms. I can make life easy, but I need to flow with it, instead of trying to control every nuance. I cannot do this alone with my ego in charge. I have to surrender to my Higher Self, my Higher Wisdom. My ego has no clue how to navigate life. My ego’s need to control will drain my energy and zap my joy. It will worry about running out of money even when there is plenty.
It will tell me that I have nothing to offer this world and that I will fail and let myself an d my family down. This is just nonsense. If you can relate to this negative self-talk, then breathe, become self-aware, and tell your ego to calm its butt down!
YOU are in charge, not your fearful, doubtful, judgmental, critical EGO (Easing God Out) self.
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