Ever do something that really makes you re-think how
you’ve been living your life?
Maybe you’ve been playing small, not guiltily comparing yourself
to anyone else’s path, but not living up to your own potential?
Morgan Higdon (my business partner) and I just got back Monday
evening from a 3 day event with Ryan Eliason, called Visionary
Business Live in San Diego, that stirred this curiosity within me.
Joy is Scary Vulnerable
I see how much fear has been dictating my life. I noticed how
much I wanted to hide out and that I have a deep mistrust of people.
It’s fair to say I’ve been living a somewhat (not totally) numb
existence. Maybe “self protected” is a better word. This mode
of being breeds selfishness because it’s hard to be of service
when we feel hurt and wounded, isn’t it?
Joy—that ability to let loose, laugh, dance and be light—hasn’t felt
safe. It’s too vulnerable. What if I look stupid? What if people
judge me as fat, ugly, old, foolish?
Probably most importantly, what if something happens in life,
when I’m not paying attention (a/k/a not got my hands on the
wheel of control), and vanishes that joy? The resulting
disappointment would be too much for me to handle. Or would it?
I’ve shut down my sensual self too. Let me hide my sexuality
while I’m in the habit of shrinking or dumbing myself down.
Our Australian roommate, Grace, helped me to see this, as
her 27-year-old sexy, exuberant self exuded charm and
confidence, as a whole being (not just physically).
I Still Want to Dance
I remember when I was 27 and felt that way. Where did that
Angie go? I’m still in here. I still want to dance with life.
On day two, I felt a little better about not hiding but still judged
myself for not sharing in front of the large crowd. At first I
harshly thought I was being a coward for not trusting myself
to be seen. But I eased up and decided this was OK.
I shared intimately in my one-to-one interactions and that
was enough.
I’ve been living in a box of confinement. Love me. Show me
loyalty, and I’ll return the favor. Yes, I’ve been giving to get, the
ultimate power play (as Dawn Ferguson would say, one of the
core wounds those of us on a spiritual path experience).
I have taken classic over-responsibility for everyone, my family,
friends, clients. Again it comes down to lack of trust that THEY
will figure things out.
Who Made Me God?
Who put me in charge of the Universe? I guess that started
when I decided to make life all about me because this wasn’t
a safe place to exist.
I’ve been wanting people’s loyalty to feel safe. But what if I’ve
had it backwards. Why should anyone have to prove anything
to me?
What if I just decided to give service and love and made that my
life purpose, regardless of how others treat me?
What if no one had to prove anything, you or me? What would
happen if I just honored myself, the sacredness of life, and
every person/animal in it?
Ryan demonstrated true love for all people and a heart of
service. I’m convinced I need to commit to myself and all
humans FIRST, show my faith, love and loyalty in the process
of life FIRST.
Life doesn’t OWE me anything. I’ve been feeling very entitled.
And that’s OK too. Everything is going to be OK.
Will All Hell Break Loose If I Surrender?
I’m scared but I feel ready to be OK with the unknown. All
hell won’t break loose if I surrender to the mystery of life,
because it’s already unfolding according to a larger PLAN,
not created by Angie.
And truth be told, “Hell has already been breaking loose
within my own mind.” So it’s actually not going to be worse.
What’s there to lose if I relaxed more?
I might as well have fun, joy and play NOW. What am I
waiting for? I’ve always felt I needed to get all my work done
first and then play and relax. I know this is jacked up thinking.
I think I’ve been waiting for me, to see me, to witness me.
I AM enough.
We Never Have to Be Alone Ever Again
At the end of the event, a beautiful circle of around 450
people gathered. There was an inner and an outer circle.
I had the privilege of starting on the outer circle and
whispering into the ears of my fellow retreat attendees what I
declared I needed to hear when life tried derailing me from
my vision “You are loved and lovable. You are worthy. You are
more than good enough beyond human understanding.”
Then we switched and I moved to the inner circle, where I
received the most beautiful messages of LOVE and HOPE
from many. What struck me the most was, “You never have
to be alone, ever again.”
And neither do you.
Are You Ready to Stop People Pleasing Rigid
Establishments of Thought?
Morgan and I are teaching a free masterclass on Wed, 11/20
called What to Expect During Your Faith Transition and 3 Pitfalls
to Avoid. We invite you to join us if this resonates.
This class is designed for those people leaving a high demand
religion because something is stirring within them that says
they want a different experience of life.
Our mission is not to recruit anyone away from anything. If
you are fulfilled in your life and your current set of beliefs, this
class is not for you.
If you are desiring a more expansive experience of life (what
we call Living and Loving Fully) and are questioning the current
belief systems that drive you, this class is for you.
Many people feel suppressed in our world. They fear speaking
up and being themselves. People who have decided to leave their
high demand religions have been “people pleasing” establishments
of thought.
Ready to Do You?
There are many forms of people pleasing. We betray ourselves
in how we show up by not speaking our truth, by conforming to
what others want us to believe, by fearing being judged and trying
to manage our image/how others view us, by feeling guilty for wanting
more, by feeling ashamed of our bodies, homes and financial
circumstances, and on and on.
When we feel we must control outer circumstances to be safe, we
are the ones truly being controlled…by our parents, spouses, children,
teachers, by our religion, government, school, politics, etc.
If you are ready for something different in your life, to stop people
pleasing and begin to think for yourself within a community that
encourages “You to do you” join me and Morgan .
Vital note: Our brand of you doing you does not encourage a
selfish, narcissistic entitlement , but rather being you from a place
of love and service.
We truly believe when you begin accepting yourself, authentically
showing up without pretense, surrendering to life in all its beauty
as it unfolds, you will be in a much better position to LOVE and SERVE.
Do you feel me? Register now.
Not for you? That’s OK. Would you serve us by forwarding to
someone this may help? Thank you so much!
IN love and service,
Angie Monko
