How did you learn to people please? By this, I mean how did
you give your power away to another and as a result lose yourself
in the shuffle of their energy?
It could be something that feels quite normal to you when
you look back at it, and so you don’t question your beliefs
around being a people pleaser. You might even be proud
of the title.
To be clear, this is not a healthy habit or mindset I’m referring
to. It’s being so immersed in another person’s story/drama/
chaos/energy that you don’t even know who you are anymore.
So whatever you want to call that distraction, that’s what I
mean by people pleasing.
It’s not the feel good giving. Let’s call that people charming.
I Can’t Get it Right!
This is how it all started for me as far as I can recall. I was
about 3 years old. My dad had a small ranch with several
sleek quarter horses and a pony named Sam.
I loved being around the animals. They made sense to my
sensitive spirit. I felt safe outside, with the soft grass under my
feet, the sounds of frogs and crickets, the trees.
Nature was my safe zone. My dad wasn’t. His energy was
impatient, critical, judgmental. I remember vividly that he
tried to teach me to ride horses. It wasn’t enough to just
be with these magnificent animals, sitting atop what felt like a
mountain to my small 3 year old frame.
He would harshly correct my form, “Sit up straight, Angela!”
Though it may not sound like much, it left an imprint on
my heart and mind which had no filter to tell me not to
take his negative energy personally.
I took it very much to heart and my interpretation: “Something
must be wrong with me for him to be so angry at me. Am I
stupid? I better learn to get this right or he’s going to keep
being mad at me!”
The beliefs I took on: I need to be perfect. I need my dad’s
love. I need to be perfect to earn my dad’s love. I’m not very
smart. Something is wrong with me. I’m not very lovable. I have
to work really hard to be acceptable, lovable and enough.
Performance anxiety coursed through my nervous system.
And it continued for many years, impacting my experience in
high school, in college, getting my first job, going into business for
myself, attending networking functions, etc.
Do you have a “dad/horse story” that comes to mind and gives
you a clue as to when your people pleasing pattern began?
It had its origin somewhere.
Becoming conscious of WHY you show up as you do is one
thing. Healing the core wounding is another. I can help with
both.
Leave a comment below with your story. I’d love to hear from
you.
Love,
Angie Monko
PS: Mark your calendar now for free, two day women’s retreat,
Let Go of What They Think, the weekend of June 26 and 27, 2021
from 10am to 5pm Central Time. More details to follow.
