Happy New Year of 2020! Wishing you so much clarity and the
confidence and courage to fulfill your highest vision!
Core Tenet of People Pleasing—Saying Yes
So I invite you to consider WHY stopping people pleasing
should be part of your path to attaining freedom, and even
better than a New Year’s resolution, which is often fleeting.
It’s exhausting to always say YES when you really want to
say no. This core tenet of people pleasing creates resentment.
Wearing this false people-pleasing mask drains us of energy.
And it’s hard to keep ANY resolution when we don’t have energy.
Let me demonstrate how saying yes when you you’d rather say no
drains your energy. Aunt Barb calls you up Monday night and
asks you to bring one of your delicious homemade cheesecakes
to the family gathering on Wednesday.
Two Key Questions to Ask to Interrupt People Pleasing
You may recall what Morgan and I suggested about asking
two questions: 1) Do I want to do this? And 2) Do I have the
energy and capacity to do it?
You admit to yourself that you want to do it because you
truly like to please and help others, but it would stretch you
thin in terms of time. Your reply: “Sure, I’ll do it. No big deal.”
Tuesday 10PM rolls around and you remember your promise
to Aunt Barb. Yikes! You don’t even have cream cheese on hand
and have to find the nearest 24/7 Schnucks to buy it.
By the time you’re done (you’ve been cursing under your breath
the whole time), it’s after midnight and you’re exhausted.
Very Side note: You also just put a whole lot of “negative energy”
into that food. 🙂 Yes, food carries a vibration.
People-Pleasing Doesn’t Serve YOU or THEM
You’re resenting Aunt Barb for even ASKING you to make it.
So by saying yes with an attached hesitancy or obligation, you’re
not doing yourself any favors because you’ve sacrificed your sleep
and your ability to be present with others the next day.
And, maybe even more importantly, you’re not doing Aunt Barb
a service because she can feel your resentment whether you speak
your true feelings or not. This resentment will also get stronger
over time if Aunt Barb keeps asking and you keeping saying YES.
Now take this scenario and multiply it by the 100 times you are
constantly saying yes when you want to say no. Can you see how
this false mask of people pleasing drains your energy?
Just Notice When You Say Yes But Really Want to Say No
Tip: for now, be aware and notice/observe when you say yes but really
want to say no. How do you feel? You aren’t going to shift this people-
pleasing habit overnight because you do it for good reason. There is a
payoff. More on that in the next video.
However, you CAN become the observer of your YES habit.
The purpose of this blog is to raise your awareness and consciousness
without harsh self-judgment of your people-pleasing habit as well as your
emotions around doing it.
Resolving to stop unhealthy people-pleasing would be a wonderful
way to start your 2020, wouldn’t it? Your liberation is to be gained.
Our Loving Self-Advocate group resumes Monday, January 13. If
you want to get in, please reply to this email and let’s have a conversation.
Much love,
Angie Monko
