On Sunday, I learned that my ex-mother-in-law passed away. I had been very close to Ella for 20+ years, sharing many wonderful times together. She taught me how to create beautiful Christmas cookies and desserts and delectable chocolates, having been a home economics teacher. She was a wonderful woman with a great big heart! I remained in touch with her after my divorce in 1998. And just in the last several years, she got Alzheimer’s and so it was difficult to stay in touch. Eventually she didn’t remember any of us. In a sense, I grieved the loss of her long ago.
Then Maddie came home from visiting my Mom’s on Sunday as well. She announced that she wanted to visit her Dad in Pennsylvania because she felt so guilty about not going to see him. Energetically, she was low. Summer boredom blues I guess. She felt that her health would improve by going to see him. Oddly enough, last year when she visited him for the first time, her blood sugar levels did go down. We both realized it was because while she was there she didn’t feel guilty or ashamed for “leaving” him and coming to live with me three years ago. So I was a little concerned for a couple of reasons.
1) I felt she was visiting him out of desperation.
2) She picked the one time during the year that we had planned our summer vacation, and she may miss our special time together if she doesn’t come back by 8/4.
I somewhat resented her decision because she could have visited all summer long. Even more odd is that the night before she told me she wanted to visit him, I’d had Maddie and her dad put on a prayer chain to heal their relationship. OK. So my ego was telling me that I didn’t like the timing of this. Oh well. I know God has a plan for the two of them. Then just this past Monday Maddie and I talked further, and she tells me that if she figures out a way to get along with her dad that she might consider staying there. I was devastated! It seemed that we had both worked so hard to finally get her to live with me, and now she was possibly not coming home IF her dad treats her well. I felt cheated. After all, I’d always treated her well and didn’t think I deserved this.
Again, my ego was feeling bruised and rejected. I felt conflicted at least for Monday evening.
Here I was praying earnestly for Maddie and her dad to heal their relationship, and the result of that could be her not returning home. So I felt my good efforts were almost being punished. It didn’t seem fair. Then while meditating Tuesday morning, I had a revelation. Of course, I’d continue to pray for them to heal their relationship. I decided to trust God to take care of me. After all, I was putting out LOVE and nothing more. I concluded that LOVE cannot hurt me in ANY way and that It would sustain me. So on Thursday we went to Ella’s funeral, and I saw my ex-husband, whom I hadn’t seen in years. I hugged him and gave him my condolences, and he said, “We need to talk…. I just want Maddie to be happy.”
He seemed very sincere, and it felt like he was ready to forgive me. He hasn’t wanted to communicate ever since Maddie moved in with me. This was good news! Of course, I don’t know how this will all turn out or if Maddie is going on vacation with us. So stay tuned for the next newsletter! What is even more strange is that my current mother-in-law, Jean Monko, passed away on Tuesday, two days after Ella. Jean also had Alzheimer’s but not nearly as severely as Ella. Jean still remembered all of us. She had just stopped eating, and her body was shutting down. Jean was also a wonderful woman with a great sense of humor. She was always laughing and having a good time. She loved her kids and grand kids unconditionally.
I will miss both of these women. One last little ODD detail. Both my ex-father-in-law (who has passed) and my current father-in-law are both named Joseph William. I couldn’t make this up, could I? I wish for you is that you allow LOVE to heal whatever is going wrong in your life, and, believe me, it can heal ANYTHING.
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Love,
Angie Monko
314-422-6520
