Do you struggle to say no when you really want to?
Do you feel like you are responsible for everyone else’s feelings and overall well-being and put your own self care on the back burner?
Do you hesitate to ask others for help?
Do you have a hard time trusting others with your intimate thoughts, feelings, dreams and desires?
Heck, what’s a dream?–you won’t even allow yourself to go there because you’re too busy with other distractions, like people, politics, your own health, etc.
My partner, Morgan Higdon, and I want to re-define the word Boundary, which often gets a bad rap. Instead, we want to help you weave boundaries into your life as a beautiful expression of you, because when you do, everything changes for the better.
Instead of thinking of a boundary as something loved ones, friends and family do TO YOU, harshly stating what they will or will no longer tolerate from you, what if you began to see boundaries as beautiful in that they allow you to truly be you, see your worth, and keep your heart open when you desperately want to shut it down.
How boundaries are delivered is key. Think of a time when someone angrily set a boundary with you (I need you to do XYZ!). That intense energy felt very unsafe, and you immediately put the guard rails up around your heart. You began flinging defensive statements like arrows out of a quiver.
And of course you did! No one wants to be criticized or shamed/guilted into feeling like they’ve done something wrong. Chances are you showed up the way you did (by trying to control outcomes around you) because you wanted another’s love, acceptance and approval.
But what if someone approached you with love in their heart? You FELT that they really had your best interests in mind, though they asked you some tough questions that really got you thinking about how you’ve been living (i.e., Do you really want to keep taking over-responsibility for your kids/spouse and putting yourself on the back burner? Does this lead you to the life you really want and deserve?).
We will demonstrate that a beautiful boundary is a gift to yourself because the actions you take to create them are a result of you seeing your worth.
When we value something like our kids, our home, our vehicle, we take care of it. When we value ourselves, we take care of our body, mind, emotions and spiritual life.
A lot of energy is wasted when we over-give to others (for obvious reasons–most people don’t appreciate being controlled even if our advice is sound and the “best” thing for them).
In addition, our energy is drained when we rigidly guard our heart, mistrust others, and wear a mask to cover up who we really are and what we think and feel, because self-protection feels like hard work. Think of your own experience of this “tightening,” versus being able to relax and feel confident in your own skin and self-identity.
Here is a summary of what I’m saying:
1) Thin-skinned boundaries allow everyone else to dictate our thoughts, words and actions because we haven’t discovered who we really are and what we value…yet. Having a healthy self identity hasn’t come naturally for us.
2) Thick-skinned, rigid boundaries don’t allow us to be vulnerable and sensitive in our relationships, in other words, won’t allow intimacy due to self-protection tactics.
3) We regularly vacillate between the thin-skinned and rigid boundaries.
For example, let’s say you typically have a hard time saying no to others’ requests of your time. You take over-responsibility for your kids’ happiness and choices. You are often worn out from taking on everybody’s energy and problems. All of these are indications of thin-skinned boundaries because at a root cause level you don’t feel comfortable advocating for your needs/wants.
On the other hand, you also engage in self-protection strategies, maybe even on the same day as you practice thin-skinned boundaries. You demonstrate this by isolating and not asking others for help because you don’t want to “put them out or trouble them.” AND you don’t ask because they may say no, and then you’d feel hurt and rejected.
Additionally, you don’t share your most intimate thoughts and feelings with others because on a deep level you don’t trust people with your heart. This holding back behavior is intended to protect your heart from being disappointed.
Morgan and I, through our own combined experiences of life, leaving the Mormon religion, divorce, loss of a child, and leaving the corporate world after 20 years, have created a process for arresting these unhealthy, people-pleasing patterns and guiding women to be Loving Self-Advocates.
This is our term for women who create beautiful boundaries that allow them to have intimate connection with others, much more energy, and the skill to activate a reaction in others that resembles love and connection, instead of fear and separation. Boy, do we need this in the world right now!
Below is the process for creating beautiful boundaries. Though it is as simple as learning your ABC’s, it is not easy to implement and that’s where we come in.
ASK for what you want/don’t want
BE intentional with your energy/focus
CARE for yourself first
DARE to be authentically kind
We are both certified hypnotists, gifted emotional freedom techniques experts (aka tapping), and experts in energy healing techniques that allow women to heal at the causal level of all problems (the energetic field).
So we will help you to get to the core cause of WHY you are experiencing challenges with setting healthy boundaries and help you step into your power.
We are very generously offering you a two day, FREE, zoom experience on January 22 and 23, 2021 called Let Go of What They Think.
During these two days, we will dive into the application of the ABCD process.
You will walk away not only with new awareness and tools/tips to be well on your way to becoming a Loving Self-Advocate who is confident in speaking up for her own needs, we will help you reprogram your heart and mind so that setting beautiful boundaries becomes much clearer and easier to do.
It IS possible to let go of what others think of you and step into a whole new life. Everything changes when you can be YOU without the fear of others’ judgment.
Angie & Morgan
PS: We can’t wait to help you liberate yourself from what everybody else thinks! A whole new world is waiting.
PSS: Create the intimate connection with others you’ve always wanted. Without connection, we die.