What is one thing your mom taught you about you
and life that had a very positive impact? In other words,
did she teach you any particular way of living that allows
you to align with your Truth?
When I say your Truth, I am referring to a set of behaviors
and beliefs that support you feeling good about yourself.
Being able to express deeply satisfying thoughts and feelings
regardless of what others think of you.
They are satisfying because these thoughts and feelings
feel right to you, light, nurturing, self-acceptance-oriented.
For example, my mom role modeled accepting life,
being strong when things got hard. I saw her lose her
husband and mom within 3 months. I saw her step family
turn on her. She lost her grand daughter. She was abused
by my dad. And in spite of all that, she has kept on being
light and loving life and nature.
The main thing I really learned from my mom is Love,
that I am lovable, that others are worth loving.
Now on the flip side, what is one thing your mom taught
you that you wish you’d never taken on? We accept lies as
truths for us when we don’t question their origin or meaning.
My mom was never great at conflict resolution. Growing up,
I saw how she avoided “fighting back,” standing up for herself,
and having difficult conversations with my dad.
When really hurt, she represses her feelings and avoids the
one who hurt her instead of setting a boundary and expressing
her truth.
Seeing my mom sort of helpless in this way, I adopted the opposite
stance at times by being a fighter for my rights and needs, as well
as others’. I stepped into my “mom knows best” shoes. My energy
can be over-powering at times and I justify it because I am called
to be a freedom fighter, justice seeker for those who won’t speak
up for themselves.
Though this sounds positive, it can create disconnection with those
closest to me, when I’m in the “advisory” role and believe I know what’s
best for them. Ouch.
You may need to sit with these questions for a while. Find a quiet
space, grab a journal, and begin to write:
What did mom teach me that allows me to be fully me?
What did mom teach me that makes me want to hide my truth?
We are complicated creatures, we humans. We all have light and
dark sides.
These insights may allow you to have deeper connection with
yourself, deeper understanding of why you navigate the world
as you do.
If you’ve held grudges or resentment towards mom, maybe it’s
time to release them. For your sake. Not hers. She is a human
chock full of faults. And so are you. No one is easy to live with,
not really.
Begin to examine the judgments you have against your mom.
Make it a game. Get curious. “How can I see my mom as a real
person with real needs and wants?”
“Can I release all the expectations I’ve put on my mom to be
a certain way, to think she should have been more attentive,
more nurturing, more feminine, more mom-like, more complimentary,
more kind, loving, supportive, approving, and on and on?”
Our mom is our mom. She needn’t be perfect because
she isn’t. And never will be. Can we let that be OK?
This will affect our ability to mother as well. If we have unrealistic
ideas and put an inordinate amount of pressure on ourselves to
be the perfect mom, we are heading for guilt and shame city.
Moms (and women in general) are already so hard on themselves.
And women are hard on other women. We judge them as “slutty
and selfish” if they aren’t pure enough, or if they express their
sexuality too much, of if they put too much effort into getting
their needs met.
How does a mom win with this sort of set up to fail? If we get
our needs met, we are judged as selfish. If we are a door mat
and over-give, we are disrespected.
What’s the solution? To just be ourselves….and stop worrying
about what others think, because we can be certain we WILL
be judged as long as others keep getting distracted by everyone
else and don’t do their own inner work.
That’s part of the human drama. It is normal and natural.
If your mom is alive or passed, I invite you to hug her physically
if you can (or in spirit) and accept her as she is. You’d want that
same courtesy from your children, right?
Sending you much love. Have a blessed Mother’s Day weekend
coming up!
Love,
Angie
PS: The perfect gift for any mother or daughter is to take
time for yourself and get honest about some of these deeper
life questions. Register now for the upcoming Let Go Of What
They Think, free women’s retreat June 26 and 27.
