Sally, The Distracted Mom
Mom (Sally) was whipping through the house like a tornado,
hell bent on creating the perfect image.
She had new friends coming at 6pm for dinner and wanted the
house spotless, the salmon cooked to perfection, and her hair
not to be a frizz bomb.
Would they notice the dust on the TV speakers in the corner
of the living room, Sally wondered…. She could hear her husband’s
voice admonish her, “Of course, they won’t see it. You do this
for YOU, Sally! And you also drive yourself crazy.”
Can you relate?
Sally, like many moms, loves to nest and prepare her home to
be a safe haven….for her children, for her guests, her spouse,
and, most importantly, for herself. It helps her to feel safe. Isn’t
this a GOOD thing?
What is the Cost of a Clean Home or Any Task?
But at what cost to those Sally loves and cherishes the most in the
world…her little humans (or maybe all grown up with kids of their
own—doesn’t matter)…her children.
Moms will do just about anything for their most precious and
and prized creation, their children. If we sense anyone
is threatening them, our “momma bear” ferocity and claws
will come out, warning the attacker to “STAND BACK!”
Sometimes we get so caught up in the busy-ness of life, the
compulsion to DO, DO, DO, to get one more task done…clean
the house, check Facebook or email, call a client, write a blog,
go to work, make dinner, and on and on, that we neglect who
and what matters most to us.
The Distracted Parenting Style Cuts off Connection
I call this the Distracted Parenting Style. This way of being
cuts us off from truly connecting with our loved ones. I am
guilty as charged!
I’m not proud to report that my priorities were not straight
when raising my two daughters. I didn’t do a horrible job
(I did set aside time for them and would talk to them when
they needed me).
However, with running a business and a household, while
having perfectionist and some Obsessive Compulsive
Disorder (OCD) tendencies, I have to admit that I chose a
clean house and email inbox many times over connection.
I chose what made me feel safe…at their expense.
Our Children Then Crave Our Attention
When we do this, our children may grow up craving our
attention. They may feel unimportant and neglected. I’m
not saying this to ADD to our already substantial guilt load,
but to increase awareness.
Once conscious of it, now we can do something different.
In the next two weeks, I’ll be teaching about the two other
types of parenting styles that I’ve discovered over the last
11 years of coaching.
So what can you do now?
Put time on your calendar for your kids and keep your
commitment. In other words, prioritize the relationship
because it’s easy to make our to-do list #1 and those we
love #2. This is a great first step.
Put 7/24 3pm CT on Your Calendar
Morgan Higdon, certified hypnotist and very dear friend of
mine, will be co-leading a FREE, online masterclass on
July 24 at 3pm Central time, called Becoming the Compassionate
Mom: How you can quickly create closeness and connection
with your kids and avoid mom guilt and overwhelm!
Registration details will be forthcoming in the next few
days.
We will go deeper into other ways you can create connection
with your kids as a Distracted Parent and become the
Compassionate Mom.
We will also be exploring the two other parenting styles, The
Over-Protective Parent and The Critical Parent.
Note that we all have all of these parenting styles, and
they will all come out at one time or another in our parenting
career. That’s OK. This doesn’t make us bad.
Being the Compassionate Mom
Now that we are aware, we can begin to move in the
direction of being The Compassionate Mom.
The benefits are vast and deeply meaningful:
Create the close connection with your children (it’s never
too late no matter how old they are).
They will WANT to hang out with you and really share
their life with you, their innermost thoughts and feelings.
The moments in which we create deep connection with
another human heart….are the most memorable, aren’t they?
Here’s to living your life without regret.
Courageously,
Angie Monko
PS: Put 7/24 on your calendar now. Making time for yourself is just
important as making time for your kids.
