What possibilities await you in the new year? Isn’t there something both exciting and scary about the possibility of a blank new slate of a year, even though time is a contrived structure?
Are you open to possibilities of how you can create your life in a way that feels good to you? Or do you fear that if you invest too much time, money and energy into your dreams that they can all be taken away from you–so why bother?
The last sentence may seem kind of gloomy and doomy, but it’s often a blind spot for many ambitious women. What DOES drive you so hard to accomplish? And what impact does this stress have on your life?
This blog is intended to stir your soul and get you to think about what matters most for you to live your best, most authentic life. A life that is well lived and at the end of it, you have no regrets. How does that sound?
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How Stress Gets in the Way of Possibilities
Stress is anything your mind perceives as unsafe. Stress can be from any of the following sources or so much more. The list could literally be endless:
- A hurtful email or message
- A client canceling with you
- A chronic health condition
- An argument with your significant other, child, parent or friend
- Feeling left out by your friend(s)
- Not enough in your bank account to cover your bills
- The loss or illness of a loved one or pet
- Not enough time for yourself to rest and rejuvenate
- Your boss or other authority figure criticizing you
Any conflict in your mind that causes your body’s nervous system to feel out of whack represents stress. When your body is stressed, all of your energy goes to bringing you back into alignment with feeling safe..
You’re now focused on surviving. Therefore, you’re NOT focused on Possibilities, on creating the life you want.
Stress is NOT going away in your or my lifetime. So our only choice is to tell a different story.
Tell A New Story
Just because you decide you want to tell a better story doesn’t mean it will come immediately. It does have to start with noticing that you have a belief that life is no longer helping you live the life you really want.
What belief do you have that keeps you less fulfilled than you know is possible for you?
Here are some examples of symptoms and the underlying beliefs that drive them.
- I have to do everything for my kids and spouse. (underlying belief: I need to be needed)
- If I don’t handle all the details for my family, things will fall apart (I need to feel important).
- I can’t tell my spouse, kids, parents, etc. what I really think because they already have enough on their plate (They can’t handle the truth because they are fragile).
- I’m stretched thin and exhausted (I can’t ask for what I want because that’s selfish).
- I’m ruled by my to-do list (I fear intimacy).
- I’m lonely and feel disconnected (I fear intimacy).
- I have to be accomplishing and producing or I feel guilty (I’m ashamed of myself for not being lovable or good enough).
- I must control things (I’m not safe).
Did one or more beliefs resonate with you? For women who do too much, many of these beliefs are common.
Do You Have a Compelling Reason to Change Your Story?
Having a strong reason to tell a new story is the first step to transformation. And there is nothing wrong with you if you don’t have one. If you lack passion and clarity around your desires, there is a reason for that. Self-Protection. Dreaming doesn’t feel safe.
You either have to have a strong calling to move towards a positive new story or be in enough pain to leave behind your old story–or both.
You have these pesky parts called saboteurs that are loud and obnoxious, yelling through a loudspeaker, “You can’t change! Stop trying! You’re wasting your time and money! Give it up.”
Your wiser Higher Self (a/k/a Sage) often whispers to you, and so it’s easy to have its voice drown out by the saboteurs. Why is this? Good question. I think it’s to make our stories more interesting. Wink wink. But…Really..I believe that’s why the Sage is so quiet and hard to detect.
What Could Happen If….
Truth is, our society is not set up for you to think about what is possible for you. Shirzad Chamine of Positive Intelligence (one of my mentors) just relayed a study that measured kids’ emotional intelligence upon entering college and again when they graduated.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.
Their emotional intelligence actually declined. Why? Because our schools reward and encourage kids to use the left side of their brain responsible for data analysis and interpretation more so than to use their right brain.
The right side of the brain is the home of intuition, creativity, wisdom and emotional intelligence (our Sage Self). We are teaching our kids to lose touch with their innate selves that would have them prioritize creativity, happiness and healthy relationships over transaction-driven accomplishment.
TIP: Daydream today about something that lights you up. If you were to live your perfect day, what would you be doing? Would you have a new career? Would you be with the same people?
Would you feel healthier and more vital in a strong body? Would things be slower and more simple? Or might everything look the same, but inside you feel at peace?
You owe it to yourself to open up to possibilities. You are worth it. The New Year is here. What canvas will you create that thrills your heart, mind and soul?
Further, our saboteurs yell loudly to us all sorts of reasons why we can’t and shouldn’t change, from it will be too much wasted effort to we will be disappointed anyway. Why bother?
We’ve been telling ourselves stories that don’t serve us, but we don’t have enough oomph or passion to tell another story. Today I encourage you to seek a reason that lights you up to move towards your desires and dreams, assuming you’re not in enough pain to move away from the status quo.
The debut of Self Sabotage to Self Love for Life Coaches begins 2/28/24 (mark your calendars now and let’s chat). This 8 week course will greatly help you to quiet the saboteur voices so you can hear your Inner Sage much more clearly and create the life of income and impact your heart desires. By doing this inner work, you are opening to new possibilities to live your very best life.