Why is process/structure so important?
It gives us something to fall back on when fear wants to take over and tell us we’re not good or strong enough. I think of process like a lighthouse. I just love lighthouses because they are stable and solid. They guide us to the light and keep us safe. They inspire us to keep moving forward. Having a process to fall
back is similar. It’s there when we feel weak or doubtful or fearful. Let’s face it. Change is awfully scary, and it’s very easy to get off track. It’s easy to fall into old, familiar habits.
You may not trust yourself to do what you want. You feel hopeless because you keep letting yourself down and betraying your desires. That is the ultimate in frustration. Example: My ex-husband doesn’t really understand me. Our beliefs conflict. I’m OK if he has different beliefs than mine. I don’t feel threatened by this. However, my beliefs frightened him because he’s not familiar with them. Ever noticed that when people don’t understand you, they judge you and criticize you and separate themselves
That is how fear shows up, as anger and judgment and unkind words. So when people don’t understand you, you tend to get in conflict with them. If you’re not real secure in who you are, you BELIEVE their angry words. And this makes you even more mad. Now you’re in a vicious cycle with this person. Who’s going to be right? If you can observe yourself in the situation and not judge yourself or resist your emotion,
you CAN move through it. There is a solution. This is comforting to know that you no longer have to give away your power or feel out of control. Instead, you have a choice.
You can authentically communicate and stay on your side of the street, feeling more empowered, OR you can choose to react to others’ stuff and lose your peace and serenity. Either way, you have a choice. Back to my ex. We emailed each other the other day, and it was uncomfortable, because he didn’t like what I said and thought I was putting myself on a pedestal and saying my way was the only way and I was judging him. Truly I wasn’t. I was saying the exact opposite, that it was OK to have different belief systems, and I wouldn’t judge him.
After a few emails, we came to a place of cooperation. He wants to improve and so do I. We know we will make mistakes but we are committed to a process of starting over. So every day, we are emailing each other with a message of hope, whatever is going on in our lives that day. Very cool! What structure can you create so that it’s there when you need it and to fall back upon in times of chaos and difficulty?
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