About a week ago, I began working with Dawn Ferguson, certified hypnotherapist, on weight release. Why? Well, I want to lose 15 pounds and I’ve carried it around forever. I was actually about 30 pounds heavier than I am right now and have maintained that loss for almost eight years with the support of a twelve-step program. Do I really want to release this weight for the 15 pounds? What I’ve learned is that if my goal weight is my only motivation, then I will most likely gain the weight back. I must have known this because I haven’t dieted in the last eight years or made any significant effort to release weight.
Notice I never say “lose weight” because the subconsious will try to regain what it thinks it has lost. I have done “my” best and eaten healthy probably 90% of the time and exercised regularly and drank lots of water. Despite all of my healthy daily behaviors, the 15 pounds remain. Dawn explained that I’m in fear mode around my weight, and she’s right. I’m very attached to the idea that if I eat certain foods or don’t exercise as frequently that I will gain weight. I’ve been doing Tibetan yoga rites for about three years,
I believe, whether I feel good or not (one time I had the flu and still did them).
Is this commitment or addiction to having to be perfect? When I begin to feel obligated and do things for the sake of my attachment that is fear based (will I gain weight if I curtail some of my physical exercise), then that’s no longer healthy commitment, but compulsive behavior, at least in my opinion. This week I actually skipped the rites on Tuesday and have stopped doing the warm up to them which is really not required. I also haven’t walked my 426 stairs three days this week, which I normally do each week day. This may not sound like a big deal to you, but it is for me. Dawn is teaching me that the goal weight
is not what I should attach to, but the process of WHO I AM becoming.
I will be happy about my goal weight for about 3 days to 3 weeks in duration. What happens after this inital celebration is over? I’m left with the same old me if all I’ve done is release weight and not the weight of my ego. If I wanting lasting JOY versus temporary happiness, I need to change who I am to release this weight, and I believe I’m doing that now. I’m becoming lighter emotionally and I’m allowing myself to be a kid again (just teeter-tottered and swung with my 13-year-old daughter on Wednesday). This is very freeing and light! When I get the fear thought that I’m going to gain weight because I didn’t walk the stairs today, I replace it with, “I’m doing what I can now and that IS enough.” Thanks, Dawn, for helping me be a kid again!
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Blessings to You,