Are you happy? Are you at peace?
What holds you back from going after what you REALLY
want in your life? I believe that the #1 reason we don’t go
after our dreams is that it doesn’t feel safe.
Something in our mind tells us we should just stay home
and watch Bachelorette in Paradise, or nestle up on our
coach and read our favorite self-help book, or make brownies,
and on and on.
We don’t even question that it might be possible that
FEAR is running our life. It seeps in there so subtly, especially
after we’ve sustained some sort of trauma.
What is trauma? Trauma can be as different for each person as
our DNA. It could be the obvious big T traumas, like losing
someone we dearly love, or being abused by a family member,
or a divorce, being abandoned by a parent, etc.
Little t Trauma Story of Billy
Or it could be the little t traumas, like when Billy was in 8th
grade and Mrs. Tweed asked him to get up in front of the
class and recite a book report on the Spanish-American
War of 1898.
He did his due diligence and really prepared. But try
as he might, when he got in front of the classroom, with
25 sets of eyes fixated on him, not a single word came out.
After a lifetime of 30 seconds, the room burst out in laughter,
and he absolutely wanted to shrink inside his denim jeans.
Instead he hung his head and walked back to his seat in silence
and vowed never to be speak in public again.
This event aroused so much shame and humiliation in him that
it’s held him back from taking risks in all areas of his life.
Can you relate to Billy? Do you have a little t trauma like this
in your past?
When trying new things and immediately having performance
anxiety, your mind tells you, “WHOA! STOP! This isn’t safe. You
better not try too hard at this or you’ll fail.”
Of course this isn’t conscious, but it shows up in your need
to hide and play it safe. Trauma gets lodged in the cells of the
body; the cells have a memory.
And unless we heal the trauma that creates the harmful belief
of our inadequacy, we better not spend too much on programs
that require accountability, like business coaching, health coaching,
etc., because the results won’t last.
Believe me, I’ve spent a bundle because I made this mistake,
mostly on business coaching.
Because we won’t take action. We will freeze, procrastinate
and find every excuse in the book to do any task, I mean
anything, other than our intended goal. Sound familiar?
It’s because we don’t feel safe! Period. Full stop…literally.
So what can we do to heal from trauma that puts us in a
chronic freeze response?
1) We have to become aware that it’s happening.
2) We have to be ready in our body, mind and spirit to create
a different reality, and it’s usually because we’ve experienced
something recently that has brought us to our knees.
We will perceive our new path as less painful than our current
reality. Enough is enough, after all.
3) We need to reprogram the current harmful beliefs that remind
us that we are inadequate, incapable, insecure beings who
will never succeed.
My preferred method to do this is by learning to work with our
energy, our emotions, our body, and respecting ourselves
along the journey.
We really need to be gentle and compassionate on ourselves as
we navigate this vulnerable landscape.
I specialize in helping women move through difficult relationship
traumas and patterns, in particular divorce and loss.
I invite you to consider coming or telling another woman about
these two upcoming events. Click on the link for more information
and to register.
Tue, 10/5/21 at 5pm CT: Confidently Navigate Divorce & Keep Your Kids Out of the Middle (zoom event)
Tue, 10/12/21 at 5pm CT: Women’s Empowerment Through Loss (in-person gathering)
Your new life is waiting for you. You’ve got this and are much
stronger than you realize. Gotta turn down that volume on
your inner critical voice and turn up your confidence.