I’ve been pondering and observing my life. This has been a very strange year for me.
I set a high income goal only to realize subconsciously I don’t deserve it and that my EGO will do everything it can to prevent me from feeling otherwise.
As I become more and more of me, I become more reclusive, not because I’m depressed or isolating, but because I need the extra energy to transform my inner terrain.
I just don’t seem nearly as worried about what others think of me. I remember back in 2008 or thereabouts, I was giving one of my first public talks and was feeling a bit cocky. I said something like, “I don’t really care what you think of me. I’m not here to people please.” Yes, I really said that, and that is how I WANTED to feel, but I was nowhere close to it.
I’m still not able to entirely give up the habit of people-pleasing. I still care what you think of me,
but I’ve made progress. And while I think the habit of people pleasing is dangerous, I need to clarify.
When I talk about releasing this habit, I don’t mean it gives us rein to be unkind and insensitiveto others. Quite the contrary. When we begin to be accepting and authentic within ourselves, we naturally extend this courtesy to others.
When we try to control how others think of us by adjusting our behavior, shrinking to be less of
ourselves, we sacrifice a little bit of our well-being, one act at a time. As I’ve become more of me,
I’ve put on some weight.
At first, I rejected myself for it because people could apparently “see” my weakness. But it’s who I really am, and I’m beginning to respect and accept myself. I need food on occasion to comfort me at this phase of my life, and I don’t have my ideal body yet, and that’s okay. My intention is to rely solely on God for my comfort, but I’m not there yet. So for now, I do my best to live in the moment. I enjoy sweets on occasion. I work out 4 times per week, and I do my daily self-care to the level I desire, which is good and consistent. I’m strong and healthy overall, not slender. All of this is okay.
I also fear running out of money and feel financial pressure on occasion. I find it hard to relax when I
have, what seems like, a lot of financial obligations. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have the necessary
skills or desire to reach my goals and trust God with my money.
Having said that, most days I don’t fret over money, and I make decisions to invest in myself, and if I really want something and value it, I get it, knowing the money will show up. We’ve exceeded the six figure mark, and I’d like to exceed the seven figure mark in the next two years. I’m 99% confident we’re on the right track. Where I still doubt myself: “Am I giving enough to others as I do this tough inner work?” As I hear my inner critic, I remind myself “Easy does it. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
You are loved as you do this work. Be gentle. Be still. Allow God.” Am I happy? I’d give myself a 6/10. My biggest block is my need to feel safe, my primary EGO need.
As I build my business, it’s scary at times, but something is driving my inner spirit, because I have an
important purpose here on Earth. If you were brave enough to be yourself, what would that look like?
1) Honestly express your beliefs when asked or when you felt compelled?
2) Get clear on what you want?
3) Ask for what you want?
4) Ask for help without worrying that those you’re asking will resent/judge you?
5) Slow down enough to feel?
6) Take time off to relax because you deserve it and you’ll be okay?
7) Re-arrange your schedule so you can enjoy life?
8) Tell others NO when you mean it?
9) Not criticize yourself/others (give benefit of doubt)?
10) Not complain and/or gossip about others?
11) Take personal responsibility without shaming yourself?
12) Stop jumping to conclusions, taking things personally, and blaming others?
13) Keep your word to yourself/others?
14) Stop giving away your power with excuses?
15) Take a stand for what is truly important?
16) Stop turning to things outside of you to numb your feelings, such as food, alcohol, drugs, sex?
In a nutshell, would you give up the right to be a victim and replace it with the right to be your own best champion? We are all victims on some level each day. It’s okay and normal. We have a lot of negative
emotions to manage as human beings. There’s no need to beat ourselves up over it. We’re meant to have contrast. Differing opinions are OK and should not be feared. So why give up the victim mindset? It just feels good to be our own champion, and we can help a lot more people that way because we’re more grounded and centered ourselves.
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